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Definition
| A measure of communication competence that indicates the degree to which your communication matches the situational, relational, and cultural expectations regarding how people should communicate. |
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Term
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Definition
| An ability to acknowledge multiple and complicated explanations for the behavior of others. For example, in spite of Anna's remark, "Well, I guess Raul's mad at you," Justine thinks there could be several reasons why Raul didn't say hello to her. |
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| communication apprehensiveness |
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| The fear or nervousness associated with communicating with others. |
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| Mental maps that describe exactly how communication encounters will unfold prior to interacting in the situation or with people who cause apprehension. For example, before calling to complain about her telephone bill, Marjorie mentally rehearses how she will explain her problem and what objections she might face. See also plan actions; plancontingencies. |
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Definition
| Repeatable behaviors that enable you to improve the quality of your interpersonal encounters and relationships. See also appropriateness; interpersonal communication competence. |
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Definition
| Defensive responses that seek to squelch criticism by controlling the other individual or the encounter—for instance, saying, "Are you through? Good, because I've heard just about enough and now you're going to listen to me." |
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Definition
| Communicating to emphasize the achievement of instrumental goals in a situation; that is, focusing narrowly on effectiveness—for example, saying, "You're late again today and were late twice last week. You know the rules about tardiness." |
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Definition
| Incompetent responses to suggestions, criticism, or perceived slights. For instance, when Stacy asks Lena to slow down her driving, Lena snaps back, "I'm not going that fast. If you don't like the way I drive, ride with someone else." See also control messages; dogmatic messages; indifference messages; superiority messages. |
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| Defensive responses that refuse to recognize other viewpoints as valid, such as saying, "I know I'm right, no matter what you say." |
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| The ability to use communication to accomplish interpersonal goals. |
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| The belief that your own culture's ways are superior to those of all other cultures. For example, Americans, accustomed to lining up, who consider cultures that don't use waiting lines as disorganized are displaying ethnocentrism. Contrast world-mindedness. |
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Definition
| ) The principles that guide our behavior toward others. Ethical communication consistently displays respect, kindness, and compassion. |
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Definition
| Disclosing messages that convey what you think and feel so others know exactly what you think and feel, even when the message would be inappropriate or ineffective—for example, calmly saying, "I'm angry because you're late again," or snarling, "You're late again and I'm fed up with your whiney excuses |
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| Inappropriately aggressive online messages that wouldn't be conveyed in person. For example, Robert writes a nasty e-mail to his coworker Matt, calling him an "egotistical fathead" and ridiculing his project as "moronic nonsense." |
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Definition
| People who are highly sensitive to appropriateness and can adapt their behavior accordingly. For example, Leon becomes aware he's been preoccupied and silent during the group discussion, so he apologizes and leans forward to listen more attentively. |
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Definition
| Defensive responses that imply the criticism or suggestion being offered is irrelevant, uninteresting, or unimportant, such as saying, "So what? Say whatever you want, I couldn't care less." |
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Definition
| The ability to communicate with people from different backgrounds in ways that are ethical, appropriate, and effective. |
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Term
| interpersonal communication competence |
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Definition
| The ability to communicate consistently in appropriate, effective, and ethical ways. |
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Definition
| Feelings of social isolation and lack of companionship. |
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| People who are not sensitive to appropriateness or resist adapting their behavior. For instance, Amanda continues telling long stories about herself without realizing her listeners find her boring. Contrast high self-monitors. |
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Definition
| A tendency to share more personal information openly and directly during online interactions than in person. For example, in e-mails, Shannon finds herself confiding in Paul about her previous marriage much more readily than she ever does when they are face-to-face. |
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Definition
| ) Mentally preparing for a communication situation by thinking through how you will perform in an encounter that causes anxiety. For instance, although Justine is nervous about her first parent-teacher conference, she plans to greet each parent warmly, and she prepares notes about each student's progress to stay |
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Definition
| Mentally anticipating what the other person might say and how you would respond during an encounter. For instance, to be prepared for whatever might come up, Jacob tried out various scenarios in his mind about what questions he might be asked during a job interview. |
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Definition
| Responses intended to successfully blend all three ingredients of competent communication: appropriateness, effectiveness, and ethics. For example—saying, "I'm sorry you've been having trouble arriving on time. Let's figure out what we can do so that this doesn't happen again." |
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Definition
| The tendency to be timid, be reserved, and talk less in the presence of others. |
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| Defensive responses that claim special knowledge, ability, or status above the other persons'—for example, saying, "I think I know just a little more than you do about this." |
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Definition
| The tendency to attack the appearance, behavior, or character of others—for example, calling someone names or ridiculing what someone is wearing—rather then their positions. |
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| The ability to practice and demonstrate acceptance and respect toward other cultures' beliefs, values, and customs. Contrast ethnocentrism. |
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Definition
| A way of handling conflict in which one person sacrifices his or her goals for the goals of another. For example, Louis gives in to Martel over where they should park their cars: "You can have the driveway. I'm tired of arguing about it." |
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Definition
| A way of handling conflict by ignoring or communicating vaguely about the situation. For example, Martel hides behind the newspaper as Louis shouts, "Your car is blocking mine again. How many times do I have to ask you to park it to the side?" See also skirting; sniping. |
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Term
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Definition
| A way of handling conflict by mutual problem solving. For example, Martel and Louis brainstorm ways to solve the problem they have with their shared parking area until they come up with an agreeable solution. |
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Definition
| A way of handling conflict by pursuing your own goals in a direct confrontation without concern for the goals of another person. For example, Martel and Louis yell back and forth about whose car should have the driveway parking spot and whose should be parked out front. |
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Term
| complementary relationships |
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Definition
| Relationships characterized by an unequal balance of power, such as a marriage in which one spouse is the decision maker. |
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Term
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Definition
| ) An agreeable resolution to a conflict achieved when both people sacrifice some of their goals. For example, though Matt wants to see the sci-fi thriller and Jane wants to see the new animated film, they agree to go to an adventure comedy. |
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Definition
| A transactional process between two people who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, or interference in achieving their objectives. |
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Definition
| A buildup of repressed annoyances that grows as the mental list of grievances we have against our partner grows. For example, Martel's anger about where Louis parks his car is a reaction to several other incidents when Louis was inconsiderate. |
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Definition
| A way of handling conflicts that is linked to gender roles. For example, a man retreats in response to a woman confronting him. |
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Definition
| Truthful but destructive messages used deliberately to hurt someone during a conflict. For example, Judith tells her sister, "That boy you like—Craig? I heard him tell Elaine you laugh like a horse." |
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Definition
| One person persuading another to abandon his or her goals to resolve a conflict. For example, Jane wants to see the new animated film, but Matt refuses by saying that it is his choice or no movie at all. |
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| A dramatic rise in emotional intensity and increasingly negative communication during conflict, such as teasing that inflates to a heated exchange of |
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Definition
| Power that comes from possessing specialized skills or knowledge, such as knowing CPR if someone stops breathing. |
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Definition
| ) Conflict resolution achieved when both people collaborate to meet all of their goals. For example, because Matt and Jane can't agree on what film to see, they decide they'd both be happier going to a comedy club. |
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| Power that comes from a close bond with someone. For example, you can easily persuade a close friend to change her mind because she is fond of you. |
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| A response to a conflict in which one person uses accusations that have very little to do with the disagreement at hand. For example, although Mary and Pat are arguing about the budget, Mary adds, "I'm sick of the mess you left in the garage and these papers all over the family room." |
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Definition
| Power that comes from personal characteristics that others admire, such as intelligence, physical beauty, charm, communication skill, or humor. |
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Definition
| An ability to influence or control events and people. |
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| Control over a resource that other people value. See also expertise currency; intimacy currency; personal currency; resource currency; social network currency. |
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Definition
| The degree to which people in a culture view the unequal distribution of power as acceptable. For example, in some cultures, well-defined class distinctions limit interaction across class lines, but other cultures downplay status and privilege to foster a spirit of equality. |
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Definition
| ) A mistaken perception that a conflict exists when it doesn't. For example, Barbara thinks Anne is angry with her because Anne hasn't spoken to her all evening, but Anne is actually worried about a report from her physician. |
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Definition
| Power that comes from controlling material items others want or need, such as money, food, or property. |
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Definition
| A sudden withdrawal of one person from a situation that serves to resolve a conflict in the short term. For example, you walk away from an argument to cool off, or you angrily retreat to your room. |
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Definition
| A way of avoiding conflict by changing the topic or making light of the issue. For example, Martel tries to evade Louis's criticism about where Martel parked his car by teasing, "I did you a favor. You walked twenty extra steps. Exercise is good for you |
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Definition
| A way of avoiding conflict by communicating in a negative fashion and then abandoning the encounter by physically leaving the scene or refusing to interact further, such as when Martel answers Louis's criticism about where he parked his car by insulting Louis and stomping out the door. |
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Term
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Definition
| Power that comes from being linked with a network of friends, family, and acquaintances with substantial influence, such as being on a first-name basis with a sports celebrity. |
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Term
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Definition
| Beneficial changes that occur when an intense conflict is managed collaboratively and the partners redefine their expectations productively |
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Term
| sudden death improvements |
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Definition
| Messages, communicated at the height of a conflict, that declare the end of a relationship, even if that wasn't an option before. For example, "It's over. I never want to see you again." |
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Term
| symmetrical relationships |
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Definition
| Relationships characterized by an equal balance of power, such as a business partnership in which the partners co-own their company. |
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Definition
| A relational stage in which one or both individuals in a couple try to distance themselves from one another physically. For example, Owen changes jobs to have an excuse to travel away from home frequently. |
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Definition
| A tendency for physical attractiveness to create the perception of competency and intelligence. For example, a witness is viewed favorably and seems credible because she is good-looking. |
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Definition
| Hurtful actions inflicted by one relational partner on another, such as deception, disloyalty, or infidelity. |
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Term
| birds of a feather effect |
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Definition
| A tendency to be attracted to others if we perceive them to have similar levels of physical attractiveness, values, and interests. |
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Definition
| A relational stage in which an official, public ritual unites two people by the laws or customs of their culture. For example, Ruth marries Owen in her hometown church. |
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Definition
| A relational stage in which partners avoid talking about topics that produce conflict. For instance, whenever Owen mentions he's interested in moving, Ruth becomes upset and changes the subject. |
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Definition
| An intense form of liking defined by emotional investment and interdependent lives. |
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Definition
| A relational stage in which the beliefs, attitudes, and values that distinguish you from your partner come to dominate your thoughts and communication. For example, Ruth and Owen argue over whose family they are going to visit for Thanksgiving and how little time he has spent helping her fix up the house. |
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Term
| dysfunctional relationship beliefs |
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Definition
| Harmful illusions about romantic relationships that yield destructive outcomes, such as believing that if your partner sincerely loves you, he or she will automatically understand how you think. |
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Term
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Definition
| The balance of benefits and costs exchanged by you and a romantic interest that determines whether a romantic relationship will take root (after attraction is established). |
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Definition
| An active, destructive approach used to handle a relational problem where one or both individuals may leave or threaten to leave the relationship. For example, Paul tells Nathan that if he doesn't stop running up their credit cards he'll leave and make sure all the debts will be in Nathan's name. |
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Term
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Definition
| A relational stage in which two people become acquainted by sharing factual information about themselves and making light conversation or small talk. For instance, after Ruth is introduced to Owen, they talk about their jobs and where they went to school, and they discover they both like jazz. |
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Term
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Definition
| A relational stage in which two people meet and form their first impressions of one another. For instance, Owen introduces himself in an e-mail to Ruth after reading her profile in an online dating site, and she responds with her telephone number. |
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Definition
| A relational stage in which two people become a couple and begin to share an identity. For example, Ruth and Owen share an apartment together and spend time with one another's families. |
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Definition
| A relational stage characterized by deeper self-disclosures, stronger attraction, and intimate communication. For example, Owen and Ruth have been dating for more than a year and talk with excitement about a future together. |
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Term
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Definition
| ) A protective reaction when a valued relationship seems threatened. For instance, Tyler is jealous when his girlfriend, Mary, flirts with Scott. |
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Definition
| A feeling of affection and respect typical of friendship. |
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Definition
| An intense emotional commitment based on intimacy, caring, and attachment. |
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Definition
| A passive, constructive approach to a relational problem in which individuals rely on time rather than on open discussion to solve the problem. For instance, Paul and Nathan know they have problems with their bills but believe that in a few months they'll spend more carefully and correct the budget. |
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Definition
| A tendency to be attracted to others whom we perceive to be at our own level of attractiveness. For example, Michael dates Jennifer because she is pretty but not unapproachably gorgeous. |
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Definition
| A phenomenon where you feel more attracted to those with whom you have frequent contact and less attracted to those with whom you interact rarely. For example, the more June sees of Tom, the more attracted to him she |
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Term
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Definition
| A passive, destructive approach used to handle a relational problem whereby individuals may avoid each other, not speak, or complain about the problem without offering solutions. For example, when credit card bills arrive in the mail, Paul tears them open and rants about his and Nathan's climbing debts, and Nathan finds excuses to be out of the house. |
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Definition
| A state of intense emotional and physical longing for union with another. |
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Definition
| The realization that your partner doesn't love and respect you as you expected. For example, Billie is deeply hurt to discover that Jake is also dating Sharon and lying about it. |
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Term
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Definition
| Opposing tensions between ourselves and our feelings toward others that exist in interpersonal relationships, such as the tension between wishing to be completely honest with a partner yet not wanting to be hurtful. |
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Definition
| Efforts that partners make to keep their relationship in a desired condition. They may show devotion by making time to talk, spending time together, and offering help or support to one another. |
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Definition
| An interpersonal involvement two people choose to enter that is perceived as romantic by both. For instance, Louise is in love with Robert, and Robert returns her affections. |
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Definition
| Light, usually factual, conversation shared by people that enables them to become acquainted with one another in a safe and controlled fashion, such as talk about the weather or a recent sports event. |
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Definition
| The idea that you will be drawn to those you see as offering substantial benefits with few associated costs. For example, Meredith thinks Leonard is perfect for her because he is much more attentive and affectionate than her previous boyfriends and seems so easy to please. |
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Term
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Definition
| ) A relational stage in which communication comes to a standstill. For instance, day after day, Owen and Ruth speak only to ask if a bill has been paid or what is on television, without really listening to one another's answers. |
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Definition
| ) A relational stage in which one or both partners end a relationship. For instance, Ruth asks Owen for a divorce once she realizes their marriage has deteriorated beyond salvation. |
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Definition
| An active, constructive approach where individuals handle a relational problem by talking it through directly without blaming. For example, Nathan and Paul brainstorm ways to trim their monthly bills until they are both satisfied with a manageable budget. |
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Term
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Definition
| When a person deliberately uses online communication—messages, photos, and posts—to try to insert him- or herself between romantic partners because he or she is interested in one of the partners |
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