Term
| Destructive approaches to conflict: |
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Definition
Denial-”sweeping conflict under the rug”, it appears to eliminate it, but it is still there
Displacement-a family member angered or disturbed by another conveniently vents to another family member
Disengagement-family members avoid conflict by sidestepping sensitive and controversial issues |
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Term
| The rules for "Fair Fighting |
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Definition
In fair fighting one must:
-Identify the issue
-Choose the right time
-Choose the right place
-Keep a positive attitude
-Stick to the issue
-Avoid the past
-No below the belt
-No abusive anger
-Do not play games
-Use passive aggressive behavior
-Avoid labeling and name calling
-Avoid triangles |
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Term
| The Conflict Management Model |
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Definition
5 different levels/styles:
Avoidance- no cooperation and assertiveness, “withdrawlers”
Accommodation- high cooperation and low assertiveness, “yielders”
Competition- low cooperation and high assertiveness, “winners”
Collaboration-high cooperation and assertiveness, “resolvers”
Compromise- negotiation, cooperation, assertiveness |
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Term
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Definition
Certain kinds of negativity, if allowed to run rampant are so lethal that they have been called the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Criticism-the act of passing judgment as to the merits of anything
Contempt-the feeling with which a person regards anything considered mean, vile, or worthless
Defensiveness-serving to defend; protective
Stonewalling-the act of stalling |
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Term
| The three major signs in marriage that conflict management isn't going well |
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Definition
1.Harsh startup (Discussion begins with criticism and/or sarcasm, a form of contempt; the outcome of a discussion can usually be predicted within the first three minutes of the conversation)
2.Four horsemen (Certain kinds of negativity are considered so lethal, that if allowed to run rampant, they have been called the four horsemen of the Apocalypse)
3.Flooding (Your spouse’s negativity is so completely overwhelming that one partner is left completely shell-shocked) |
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Term
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Definition
Neglecting- low in action and content. Proper behavior is neither displayed nor taught
Teaching- Low in action high in content. Do what I say, but don’t do as I do
Modeling- high in action low in content. Child relies fully on the parent to learn goals, norms, and beliefs
Discipline- high in action and content. Parents teach their children by word and deed |
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Term
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Definition
1. Neglectful parenting (no biblical support) – low level of support, bonding, control. Latchkey children, disengaged families, single parents. See no need to teach morals; children should (it is their right to) experiment and come to their own conclusions about personal values.
2. Authoritarian parenting – support is low and control high. Missing sense of warmth, openness, and intimacy, lacking the bonding process. Children are likely to be respectful and obedient to their parents. Normally there is high emotional support in the home, but only on the part of one parent-the one who is not seen as the ultimate authority figure.
3. Permissive parenting – control is low and support is high. Children only need tender love, support, and free expression. Children normally self-centered, lack a sense of social responsibility and interdependence. Comes from the counterculture movement of the 1960’s.
4. Authoritative parenting - high support and high control. Direct children in a rational, issue-oriented manner. Explain the reasons behind demands and discipline but also use power when necessary. Expect children to conform to adult requirements but also to be independent and self-directing. Competent children. |
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Term
| How does the depiction of God as a parent inform us regarding a Biblical model of parenting? |
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Definition
| Biblical emphasis on love and grace, that is not free of expectations and demands. God’s love includes disciplinary actions for our good. Parental love/support and discipline/control intertwine to help children develop toward maturity. Parent/child relationships begin when the parents make an initial covenant, a one-way unconditional commitment, of love with their child – grows to mature covenant (two-way). The 4 elements of the parent/child relationship are in a continual process of maturing: intimacy leads to deeper covenant love, which enhances the atmosphere of grace, which strengthens the empowering process, which leads to deepened intimacy. Empowering is the central element of biblical model of parenting. |
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Term
| What factors have perhaps contributed to the increasing "gap" between childhood and adulthood - the period we call adolescence? |
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Definition
1. Society has become technologically oriented, more jobs have been created at the highly skilled level and fewer at the low level. Youth must continue in their education and delay their entrance into the full-time work.
2. Most work is now done outside the home. Parents are unable to provide a visible work model for their children.
3. Extend family has been replaced by the nuclear family because of this high mobility
4. Affluence of youth in Western societies today – greater independence of you |
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Term
| Daniel Levinson's four polarities of midlife-transition |
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Definition
The following transitions typically apply to males:
1. Youth/age - Many men may feel older than youth, but they are not ready to be associated yet with “old people”. They will transform their activities in an attempt to feel young.
(Basically, the man has been struggling with the idea of youth versus age (as polarities) for his entire life, but they climax as he reaches the midlife transition-this same concept applies to all four of these polarities).
2. Destruction/creation - Having experienced conflict on the job and being battle-scarred and hurt by others, men in midlife may resort to the same tactics of destruction. They may develop a strong desire to be creative and enter into some of the most productive years of their lives.
3. Masculinity/Femininity – Concern over a physically sagging body is coupled with a desire to become more nurturing.
4. Attachment/separateness – A continued need for bonding with others is balanced by a need to prove that one can do it alone |
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Term
| Reuben Hill's model for understanding family stress |
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Definition
Interaction of three factors:
1. Stressful event
2. The resources or strengths which a family possesses at the time the event occurs
3. The family’s perception of the event
- In a sense the event is the necessary cause of the family stress. But it is not sufficient in and of itself to cause stress. |
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Term
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Definition
1. Death of a spouse
2. Divorce
3. Marital separation
4. Detention in jail or other institution
5. Death of a close family member
6. Major personal injury or illness
7. Marriage
8. Being forced
9. Marital reconciliation
10. Retirement
11. Major change in the health of behavior of a family member
12. Pregnancy |
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Term
| The stages of recovery in a family crisis (Elizabeth Kubler-Ross) |
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Definition
1. Denial (a state of shock): feelings of loneliness, guilt, conflict, and meaninglessness
2. Anger: increased emotional intensity
3. Bargaining: lowest emotional point
4. Depression: the lowest step in the process: they begin to understand the gravity of the situation
*Passage from depression to acceptance is known as the angle of recovery (depends on the resources which the family has at its disposal)
5. Acceptance: family may be very different from what they were before the catastrophe occurred.
- When an entire family is the victim of a catastrophe, its members are often drawn closer together by the common experience. |
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Term
| The demographics of divorce |
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Definition
-Despite commonly heard statistics of a 50% divorce rate, and the text’s suggestion of a 33% divorce rate, a more accurate number probably lies at around 40%
-The average length of marriages which end in divorce is 7 years
-The rate is highest for marriages of two to three years
-Divorce is:
- Low among men with little education
-But, it increases among those who have some high-school training
-The rate declines again among men who have a college degree
-Those who marry young are more likely to divorce than those who marry in their 20’s
-The most unstable divorces are between those who marry after age 30 |
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Term
| The major explanations for divorce |
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Definition
1.Liberalization of society has made divorce easier
2.Tolerance for divorce has increased
3.Commitment/obligation has gone to the wayside
4.It’s easier legally to get divorced now
5.Changing work roles now make it easier to interact with the opposite gender
6.Women are less economically dependent on husbands and men are less emotionally dependent on wives
- Divorce rates have generally increased because of the decline of certain barriers which have traditionally discourage people from resorting to divorce |
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Term
| The major effects of divorce on children |
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Definition
-Long after the divorce, children have fears of being disappointed, betrayed, or abandoned
-Girls frequently recover within the second year, while boys may continue to have problems throughout adolescence
-Divorce results in negative stress for both the parents and the children |
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Term
| The major difficulties faced by single-parent families |
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Definition
-A lack of economic resources (while ex-wives tend to live below the poverty level following divorce, ex-husbands actually see an increase in well-being)
-A lack of time to juggle work, parenting, household tasks, and a personal life (there is no mate to help share in the burden)
-Non-custodial parents spend little time in care-taking efforts |
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