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Speech Comm Final
Flash Cards for Class Notes
95
Communication
Undergraduate 2
12/14/2009

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Term
Relational Dialect
Definition
A tension between two opposing needs
Term
What are the three types of relational dialectics?
Definition
1) Autonomy-Connection
2) Predictability- Novelty
3) Openness-Closed
Term
T/F Dialectic Tensions (DTs) occur in some relationships and indicate a decay
Definition
False, occur in all relationships, change over time, and illustrate activity and change( which is fundamental to all close relationships)
Term
What are the four ways to cope with DTs?
Definition
1) Selection choosing one end of DT over the other
2)Separation
a)cyclic alteration- take turns
b) topical segmentation choose certain topics to agree and/or disagree
3)Neutralization: value nither sides completely or avoid
4) Reframing
Term
How are MOST DTs handled?
Definition
Autonomy/Connection: Cyclic Alteration
Predictability- Novelty: Topical segmentation
Openess-Closed- topical segmentation
Term
What are the three types of attraction?
Definition
Social
Physical
Task
Term
List the 4 major predictors of attraction; which is the best predictor??
Definition
1) Reward
2) Proximity
3) Similarity
4) Physical Attractiveness

proximity
Term
What does "Rewards" in attraction pertain to?
Definition
1) does this person give me something
2) does this person support me
3) does this person like me
4) is this person in desireble groups
*5) is this person discriminative?
*for men, want girl that is easy for them and not other guys to attract; picky is good, highly selective is unattractive
Term
How does proximity play in attraction predictors?
Definition
* exposure effect: the more you're exposed to someone the more attractive they are (even when it appears you have nothing in common)
Term
What role does similarity play in attraction?
Definition
As relationships develop, similarities become more specific and desirable
Term
What role does physical attractiveness play in attraction?
Definition
Matching Hypothesis: we are attracted to the very best looking but we probably won't date them, we date people that are as attractive as us
Term
What are the three ways to transmit attraction?
Definition
1) Warmth (appropriate eye contact, smiles)
2) Dominance (Important in Workplace)
* GENDER EFFECT- Some women find this attractive, NO men find this attractive
3)Sociability & Competence (Important in workplace; more verbal)
Term
How many primary love styles are there? Secondary?
Definition
Three; Three
Term
What are the three primary love styles? Three secondary?
Definition
eros, ludos, storge
mania, agape, pragma
Term
What is eros love?
Definition
*Physical Love
*more about what you're attracted too
*intense communication
*many fluctuations
Term
What is ludus love?
Definition
*game-playing love
*often teens and after divorce
*playfulness (wants good time, up front about that)
*manipulative (don't care if they use and/or hurt you)
* persuasive
Term
What is storge love?
Definition
*Companionate Love
*share beliefs, values, friendship
*have to be good friends
*more likely to have mid-life crisis
Term
What is mania love?
Definition
*Possessive Love (extreme ludus + eros)
*demanding, dependent, possessive
*most jealous
*communicate jealousy well
Term
What is agape love?
Definition
*Unselfish love (eros intensity+ storge values)
*intense concern for partner
*sacrifice for partner
*can idealize partner
*can lead to unbalanced relationship
Term
What is pragma love?
Definition
*Practical Love
*make lists of desirable attributes
*common sense approach
*emotionally commits after finds "fit"
Term
Types of lies
Definition
1) Falsification: deliberately convey info that she/he believes is false
2) omission: leaving info out
3) equivocation: ambiguous, half-truths
4) exaggeration
5) minimize
Term
How often to people lie?
Definition
College kids: 1 of 3 interactions
People in Communities: 1 of 5
*Ppl less likely to lie to significant others
Term
Which love styles are positively associated with constructive approaches to conflict and ease in communicating intimacy and passion
Definition
Eros and Agape
Term
What love style is negatively associated with constructive approach to conflict and ease in communicating intimacy and passion
Definition
Ludus
Term
WHat love style is positively associated with an obliging approach to conflict
Definition
Mania
Term
Explain FILO and LIFO
Definition
FILO: First in, last out, describes men in relationships
LIFO: Last in first out, describes women in relationships
Term
Which three love styles are women more likely to be than men?
Definition
Storge, mania, and pragma
Term
Which love style are men more likely than women to have?
Definition
Ludic
Term
What are the four background/ assumptions for the Attachment Theory?
Definition
1. Mental model of self and other
2. Need for a Secure Base
3. Attachment style in infancy strong predictor of intimacy in adult close relationships
4.Working models of relationships are formed from repeated relational experiences
Term
Explain the need for a Secure Base
Definition
* this need regulates perceptions of security in 1st year, innate desire to form close bonds with caretakers
*the secure base= the degree to which infant perceives a caretaker to be responsive and available
* relational security influences mental models of self and attachment figures
Term
What are the two judgment dimensions that attachments is based on?
Definition
Model of Self (how worthy am I to have a relationship)
Model of Others (How trustworthiness are others? Can I rely on others?)
Term
T/F Anxiety over relationship is an "other" focused judgment
Definition
False. It is a self-focused judgment
Term
How do those who are anxious over relationships feel? Those who are not?
Definition
They have a negative model of self, dont feel worthy of support, worry about significant others' love and commitment
----------------------
They are assured about partner's availability and responsiveness, have positive model of self and feel worthy of support
Term
Describe people who are comfortable with closeness
Definition
They have a positive model of others and believe that significant others are trustworthy
Term
Describe people who are uncomfortable with closeness
Definition
have a negative model of others, difficulty trusting others, believe that significant others wild not be available for support
don't trust to disclose about problems
Term
What are the four attachment styles and their models of self/others?
Definition
Secure ( +self/+other)
Preoccupied (-self/+other)
Dismissive (+self/-other)
Fearful Avoidant (-self/-other)
Term
Describe secure attachment
Definition
* comes from caregiver being readily avalible, attentive, and responsible to needs
*translates into secure ppl, comfortable with relationships
*ppl are happy, friendly, accepting, and trusting of partner despite faults
Term
Which of following are false of securely attached people?
a. + model of self and others
b. comfortable with closeness
c. consider themselves worthy of concern, care and affection
d. experience little relational anxiety
e. perceive significant others as accessible, reliable, and trustworthy
f. approximately 55% of population
Definition
None, they are all true
Term
What causes preoccupied attachment?
Definition
A caregiver that was out of touch with needs (too fussy or unavailable)
Term
What are the characteristics of a preoccupied adult?
Definition
* anxious/avoidant
* insecure, have difficulty trusting
* report extreme emotions, obsession with lover, jealousy, and extreme sexual attraction
* east to fall in love with, dont think it will last
Term
Which of the following are true about preoccupied adults?
a. approx 40% of population
b. negative models of self/ positive and guarded models of others
c. uncomfortable with closeness, lots of relational anxiety
d. feels misunderstood and under appreciated
e. views others as reluctant to get as close as they want to, worry partners dont love them
Definition
B,D,E
Term
Which attachment styles are developed from a unresponsive or rejecting and inattentive caregiver?
Definition
Dismissive and Fearful-Avoidant
Term
Jamie has a great career. He is also heavily involved in his church, volunteering, and playing recreational rugby. He has been seeing Ann for about three years off and on, but doesn't want to go any deeper with their relationship than dates and causal sex.Jamie most likely has _____ attachment.
Definition
Dismissive
Term
What % of the population has dismissive attachment?
Definition
5%
Term
What are some characteristics of dismissive attached people?
Definition
Positive self model/ negative other model
Umcomfortable with closeness
Excessively self-reliant
Emotionally distant
Little relational Anxiety unless pressured
Term
Ansley has dreamed since she was young of falling in love with the man of her dreams. However, she is afraid of intimacy. When the opportunity arises, she is crushed by her fears of not deserving to be loved or running her potential mate away with her emotional extremes and jealousy. Ansley is ___________ in her attachment style.
Definition
Fearful Avoidant
Term
Negative view of self and others
Afraid of intimacy, feel others are unreliable
Uncomfortable with closeness AND relational anxiety
Definition
Fearful Avoidant
Term
Which of these same style relationships could work?
Secure/Secure
Dismissive/Dismissive
Preoccupied/Preoccupied
Fearful Avoidant/ Fearful Avoidant
Definition
Secure/Secure and Dismissive/Dismissive
Term
How accurate are most people in lie detection?
Definition
About 50%; Less than 45% or More than 65% very rare
Term
What are untrue lie deception stereotypes?
Definition
Eye contact, looking uncomfortable, nervous hands
Term
What are common communication tactics about lies?
Definition
*Confession or challenge
*Offer an account
-try to justify (i did this so that...its not my fault)
-make an excuse
*Offer an apology (smartest)
-show appropriate emotions
-self-blame
-future behavior
Term
What are some true deception indicators?
Definition
Blink more, shorter responses, more speech errors
Term
In long term relationships, communication about lies consists of
Definition
*rituals/metatalk
* relational work
*soothing
Term
Complete this statement:
"Lies often arise because a rule __________________________________"
Definition
doesn't work one person in the relationships
Term
In LTR, lies and deception either
Definition
Destabilize relationship or renew stronger commitment
Term
What are the five stage of relational development?
Definition
Initiating, Experimenting, Coming Together/Intensifying, Integrating, Bonding
Term
Ray and Jane have been together for three years, and they have decided to get married to showcase their love to their families and friends.
What relational stage is this?
Definition
Bonding
Term
Describe the Integrating stage in relational development
Definition
The individuals come together to take on the identity of a social unit
Become "WE" and "Me" is less important
Term
Feeling are expressed directly. Two began to talk about how they communicate and about the state of the relationship. Spending a great deal of time together, provision of social support, and proof of commitment.

What relational stage is this?
Definition
Coming together/Intensifying
Term
"So where are you from"
"What classes are you taking"
These phrases are common of what relational stage?
Definition
Experimenting
Term
What is the initiating stage of relational development?
Definition
The stage in which the goal is to show that you are interested in making contact and to show you are a kind or person worth talking to
Term
Matching conflict styles work only if couple______________________________.
Definition
Learns how to work things out
Term
What happens in validating conflict couples?
Definition
*Compromise often
*calmly work-out problems to mutual satisfaction as they arise
*can become mundane/boring/predictable
Term
*Conflict erupts often
*passionate disputes
*Couples often: equal, independent, open about feelings, exciting/passionate
Definition
Violate conflict styles
Term
Explain conflict avoiding conflict styles
Definition
* agree to disagree
* rarely confront
* most destructive if paired with a validating or violative person
Term
What types of conflict cause martial/LTR breakdown?
Definition
1) Harsh Set-Up 2) 4 Horsemen of Apocalypse 3)Flooding 4) Failed Repair Efforts 5) Lack of positive affect
Term
What is a harsh set-up?
Definition
extreme negativity/sarcasm
Term
What are the four horsemen of the Apocalypse?
Definition
1. Complaints=specific/criticisms=general
2. Contempt/Disgust= fed up
3. Defensiveness ("not my fault","you always...","you dont care how i feel", mind reading, using others to stop attacks= leads to stronger attack)
4. Stonewalling (refuse to talk, men>women, when partner who never does stonewall=end, usually later in life )
Term
Which is the worse of the 4 horsemen? Why?
Definition
Contempt/Disgust; Hardest to get message across when partner is "disgusted", Leads partner to either attack or avoid
Term
Explain flooding
Definition
*Partner's negativity is so overwhelming and/or sudden that is leave you shell shocked and defenseless
*often stonewalling is due to flooding
*the more it happens, the more likely to shut down
Term
When one partner makes efforts to deescalate tension during argument, the other partner often...
Definition
Uses other tactics such as harsh set-up, 4 horseman, flooding to rill back up; Failed Repair Efforts
Term
Little positive connection and/or is emotionally disconnected
Definition
Lack of Positive Affect
Term
What are some ways that couples/friends remain happy?
Definition
*Low disclosure but think it's high
*Have conflicts, but think they dont they fight
*Positive ideas of conflict resolution
*Blame outside forces or unusual circumstances for relational stress
*Choose battles carefully
*Forgive AND forget
*Share and hold on to beliefs
*View partner, marriage, other events as highly positive
*Self-fulfilling prophecy-if you treat them like A, they will be A
*Humor
*Positive Behaviors
*Remember how they met, etc
*Slightly disillusioned
Term
What are the central claims of the social exchange theory?
Definition
A.We are influenced by the rewards/costs of relationships
B. People stay in LTRs when satisfied enough
Term
When does relational satisfaction occur?
Definition
A) Rewards exceeds costs & B) When personal standards are met (CL)
Term
What are the different types of relational satisfaction rewards?
Definition
1. emotional
2. instrumental- do they help me reach my goals
3. social- do they have friend, help me find friends
4. opportunity- are they in a certain social network, benefits, etc
Term
What is the equation for relational satisfaction?
Definition
Rewards>cost + CL
Term
What are COMPalt?
Definition
What are your alternatives to the current relationships
Term
What is the equation for commitment?
Definition
high relational satisfaction + low COMPalt + high degree of investment
Term
What is Rusbult's concept of investment
Definition
Intrinsic (investment in self)
Extrinsic (investment in other things, kids, house, etc)
Term
What is the equity theory?
Definition
Equity measured as the ratio of contributions and benefits of each partner. Don't have to have equal benefit, just an equal ratio
Term
What are the three basic principles of the equity theory?
Definition
1) Minimize outcomes so that rewards>costs
2) Rules are developed so that resouces are fairly distributed
3) Reward those who treat good, punish those who treat bad
4) Inequitable relationship - distress, have to restore equity
Term
Equity doesnt work in what situations?
Definition
When there is a really bad problem (ie alcohol) or family affairs
Term
What are the way to restore equity?
Definition
1) leave 2) restore actual equity (power relationships, etc) 3) restore psychological equity
Term
What are the four stages of relational breakdown?
Definition
1) Intrapsychic Phase
2) Dyadic Phase
3) Social Phase
4) Grave Dressing Phase
Term
1) Intrapsychic Phase
Definition
*Assessing and evaluating the other person's behavior
* mental list of partner's flaw
**Communicatively: talks to a "wall"
Term
Dyadic Phase
Definition
*Decide should the relationship be fixed, (redefine)changed, or ended
***oscillation and uncertainty, negativity, 4 hourseman
-return of Is and Yous
Term
3) Social Phase
Definition
*Publicy state that is may be over
*support of the network
*feel justified in leaving
*distribute news/get differnt perspectives
Term
4) Grave Dressing Phase
Definition
*relationship is dead
*major activity is getting over it
*leave with reputation for relationship reliability in tact
*have good version of break up sotry (fatal flaw)=closure and moved on
*dont tell people of bad treatment of past partners, because they will treat you that way
Term
Explain Ducks Model
Definition
1) Intrapsychic Phase: repair focus to mentally change views of partner
2) Dyadic Phase: RF= fix relationship, don't talk too much about it, reframe, together activities
3) Social Phase- RF= help hold partners together/help people save face
4) Grave Dressing Phase- RF=get partners emotionally ready to move on; minimize damage; leave relationship w.out demonizing other
Term
What is the most common reason for breakup?
Definition
Breakdown of communication
Term
What are the three types of "passing away" breakups
Definition
1. New intimate
2. Interaction distance
3.Psychological and physical development
Term
What are the three types of jealousy?
Definition
Time, Person, Opportunity
Term
What are the five reasons of Sudden Death
Definition
1. When just playing roles, and role are not longer needed
2. The decision becomes bilateral
3. Difference in expectations
4. Unforeseen event
5. Irrevocable Act
Term
Five disengagement strategies
Definition
1. positive tone "im sorry"
2. negative identity management "make sure youre the one thru dating"
3.justification
4.behavioral deescalation (avoiding)
5.de-escalation
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