Act 2  Sc. 2

Fairy June:

I don't think hardly anybody noticed.  And it was real nice of the preacher to stop and pick it up for you.

Benny Charles:

I owe him one.

(Dorothy enters from the house)

Oh, here y'all are.

Martha Ann:

Hey, Dorothy, how you holdin' up?

Oh fine, just fine.

Martha Ann:

Why don't you sit down
and take your game face off for a minute?

Heavens, I need to.  My jaw is so tired from smiling.  I'm not sure I'll ever be able to frown again.

Martha Ann:

Now I told you we wern't gonna talk about that --

It's all right.  I don't know where
they got to, Fairy June.

But I'm starting to get worried.  Mostly 'cause I don't know what Sammy Jo'll do to them when they do show up.

Martha Ann:

Yeah, that daughter of yours has somethin' stuck so deep in her craw I'm afraid it might not ever get out.

She was always like that, worried about everybody else's business when she ought to be minding her own.  Someday that hard candy shell is gonna crack, and may the Lord help us all when it does.

Martha Ann:

Yeah, I'd rather not be in the room for that one.

And Harlene's no better.  She's been worryin' me since she popped out backwards.  She's always tryin' to find herself.

Martha Ann:

Don't we all go through that?

She's been looking for herself since she was twelve, Martha Ann, you'd think she'd have found herself by now.  

Martha Ann:

...Don't worry, they're both

gonna turn out fine before you know it.

Well, it's a good thing,

since I'm gonna have to go live with 

one of 'em.

(Uncle Dub enters.)

Would you all excuse us for a minute?

Uncle Dub:

...Dewey would have enjoyed it immensely if he hadn't been the guest of honor.

Yes, Dub.  It was nice.  Is there something you needed?

Uncle Dub:

I just wanted to check on you and see how you were doing.

Fine, I guess.  Just kind of numb.  And I want to thank you for giving me a distraction.  I needed something to take my mind off Dewey passing.  I just didn't know it was going to come in the form of an eviction notice.

Uncle Dub:

Well, I thought it was downright honorable giving you thirty days notice.

Well, I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, but thirty days ain't a real long time.  Just for my own edification, why do you even want this old house?

Uncle Dub:

I thought I explained that I don't want the house.  Just the land.  You are more than welcome to move the house to a location of your choosing.

Now you're just splitting hairs.  Okay then, why do you want the land?  What are ou going to do with it?  It's been thirty years since you've done anything with the land next door.  Why all of a sudden do you care?  You're up to something, Dub Frye.   Now, tell me what it is.

Uncle Dub:

Well, I wanted to surprise you, but I recon you're just not gonna let that happen.  Okay then, where we stand now, there will be a brand new Big Value Hardward and Garden Center.

I beg your pardon.

Uncle Dub:

That's right.   It's gonna be one of the largest in the southeast.

When did this happen?  Have you just been sittin' around waiting for your brother to die so you could get your hands on this land?

Uncle Dub:

No ma'am.  I was gonna cut him in on it.
But he died before I could tell him
.

Dub Frye, I have known you for almost forty years and the nicest thing I can say about you is that you always pick up the cats out of the road after you run them over.  You have always been a snake in the grass and now you're showing your true colors.

Uncle Dub:

Is it wrong for a man to get ahead in this world?

Uncle Dub:

I thought we could be civil about this.  But, it's a done deal.  I'm taking the land and that's it.

Oh no.  You're takin' the house, too.  You're gonna have to deal with it.  I don't have the money nor the inclination to move this house all over tarnation and back.  You want it?  You can have it.

Here's what you can take from me...

the doorjamb where all the kids had their height measured every year.  All the pictures going up the staircase.  The dress I was wearing when Dewey and I went on our first date.  Then ther's the cruthches from when Harlene broke her leg at the skatin' rink and Sammy Jo's four hundred debate trophies and Dewdrop's Tammy Wynette CD collection and all the games in the game closet including the Scrabble game that Harlenne took all the S's out of so Sammy Jo couldn't spell her name.  And everything else in my life.  Because if you take this house, that what you're taking.  Not just a house, not just a piece of land, but my life.  So take it all! You slimy son of a - - 

(Dewey Jr. enters)

Dewey Jr:

Momma?  Hey Uncle Dub.  Momma?

Yes, Dewdrop?

Dewey Jr.

Have you seen Beecham?

I believe I saw your sister fussin at him

near the tuna casserole.

Dewey Jr:

Okay.

What do you need Beecham for?

Dewey Jr:

He's giving me a ride to the drugstore.
Your face is all red.

I know, Dewdrop. 
You go on back in there and shake people's ands.

Dewey Jr:

Yes, maa'am.    (he exits)

Uncle Dub:

Dorothy - 

I have said all that I think needs sayin'.  If you'll excuse me, I have a house full of guests that need tendin' to.

(Dorothy exits)

Harlene:

I reckon I should be, but I'm sure not.

(Both girls laugh as Dorothy enters)

Good heavens!  I knew it!  I knew this was gonna happen!   What is the one thing I asked you girls? 
I specifically asked you not to cause a scandal and here you go and put a pie in Ozella's face!  Now, on any other day please know I would appreciate that but not today!

Sammy Jo: Nuh- uh.  She started it.

Dorothy:

Well, I'm gonna finish it.  I have half a mind to make you go outside a pick out a switch.  Don't just stand there, Ozella, go get the pie off your face.  I'm honestly sorry about this.  I thought I had two mature daughters, but I'm beginning to rethink that.

(Ozella exits)

You two, sit!  Okay, what was it this time? ........

I'm just so mad that Harlene missed going to the cemetery.

Harlene:

I said I was sorry.  I had an errand to run.

Sammy Jo.

Sammy Jo:

What!?!

Oh, no ma'am!  I am still your momma and you will not talk to me that way.

What is really eatin' you?  This just isn't like you.

.....Sammy Jo:

I don't want you to leave.  There I said it.  I'm tired of you runnin' away and me not having a big sister.

Well, it took us ten years but we finally got there.

Harlene:

...It was real hard gowing up in your shadow.  I just needed some space and before I knew it, ten years had passed.

Harlene:

...I thought I might try it here for a while.

Sammy Jo:

Why didn't you tell me?

You didn't ask.  You're always so busy tellin' everybody everything you wouldn't have heard me anyway.  Harlene said she thought she might like to stay for a little while, and I told here she could stay here.  Though now, I suppose, we'll both be staying at a Motel Six. Or at your house.  Although if today is any indication ya'all probably shouldn't be living under the same roof.

(Uncle Dub enters, followed by Attie)

.... Attie:

Dub I would like to further advise you that I have been retained as counsel for one Miss Harlene Frye.

What's going on?

Attie:

Hasn't been for a long time.

Harlene:

Well, Momma?  Say something!

So it's all mine?

Attie:

It sure is.

And I can do with it what I like?

Attie:

Yes ma'am.

Well, in that case... Dub Frye, with all of the Christian love and kindness that I can muster, would you kindly get the heck off my land?

(Uncle Dub storms out.)

I can't believe it.  Thank you, Attie.

.....Beecham:

Ya'll ain't ever gonna believe this nonsense.  Baby, what were you saying about needing a Brink's truck?  'Cause I'm pretty sure I found one for you.

Whatcha got there Dewdrop?

...Martha Ann:

What are you goin' to do with all that money?!

I don't know.  I've never been rich before.

Fairy June:

Bein' rich just means you get to wear better hats.

Well, first off, I figured I'd give Attie some of it.

Attie:

You don't owe me any money, Ms. Dorothy.  Harlene's the one that saved the day.

How much you got in your wallet?

Attie:

About ten bucks, why?

Martha Ann:

Okay, now that you've spent about fifty dollars, what are you going to do with the rest of the money?

Dorothy:

I'm just happy to have my family with me.  Money can't buy that kind of happiness.

But I bet money could take us all down to the Miracle Strip!  I don't think Dewey would want me to go without my family.