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MLL #1
The Most Important Thing I Could Ever Tell You... |
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| If you meet a nice younger guy at church camp... BACK OFF BRO!!! He is hella trouble ;) |
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| Never grind with a guy that is shorter than you... Awks. |
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| A can of whipped cream can make for a party anytime, anywhere and with anyone. |
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| Pedestrians suck. Just don't run them over and you're golden! |
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| Keeping your shirt on at a dance is optional. Always wear a sports bra. You just never know! |
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| They will do just about anything to get you to put their dick in your mouth. Seriously, they're fucking geniuses! |
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| Do your homework. Please. Or suck up to the teachers so that they will let you turn it in late, just because you're the favorite. |
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| Girls are bitches. Backstabbing bitches. But we all make mistakes and all can be forgiven eventually. |
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| Anything that happened in middle school is invalid for use in an argument. Actually, its just invalid all together as a reason. Let it go bro, let it go. |
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| Homecoming is overrated. Prom kinda sucks. But its okay to still want a date to go with. Just make nice with a guy in your class and be friends. Sometimes it works! |
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| Most teachers understand a tardy that is under 1 minute (especially 1st period or if you come from the other corner of the school)... After lunch, although, is never okay. Thats when you forge the note from mom. |
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| Keep your locker organized. And clean it out BEFORE the end-of-year clean out day, because you wont be able to get inside the damn thing during that time! Saves you 100% of the stress. I'm not even kidding. |
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| One "B" on a test is fine. A "C" is okay. Even if you failed the whole damn thing, it's okay. Just don't make it a habit or use it as an excuse to not care. |
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| Yes, they are hard. Yes, you might not do as well as you would in other classes. But hey, life goes on! |
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| "Swallow or spit, don't let it sit!" Not my original advice, but so damn true. That shit tastes NASTY. |
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| Never, ever make a deal with a boy in which your end of it involves blowjobs. Because, if you like him enough to agree to that, you will lose eventually. You can't watch your back that hard. |
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| It's okay to give up. Some guys just have too much damn stamina. If it comes to that, inform him that his dick is officially broken up with his hand, because I can almost guarantee that that is the problem here. |
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| They aint that bad. But DO NOT do it unless you wanna, because it shouldn't be a deal breaker. If it is, he's a dick and you can find another one ;) |
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| Never let them stand. Make them sit or lay down. That way you wont get gagged when they try to shove the thing down your throat! |
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| Bridge jumping naked= never a good idea in the presence of guys that you know... Especially ones that are in your grade. It makes Senior English IV class really awks. |
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| If the sub or teacher doesn't show up, you are not allowed to leave. Unless you are prepared to get your mom to excuse it just in case they show up 20 minutes late after everyone has left and the real teacher is prepared to give everyone who participated in the "walk out" a detention. Just in case. |
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| They will drive you crazy. Fight the urge to yell at them about how they can't control you or your life and then list every immoral thing that you've done in the past year. Fight that urge, because it wont end well. |
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Breakup over texting?
"The fuck is he, TWELVE?!" |
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| The only ones who are gonna remember who wasn't drinking will be those who also weren't drinking. Just don't do it bro. |
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| When asked if you "danced" with anyone, just smile and say yeah, very very innocently. Don't give details, no mom wants to hear that her sweet and innocent daughter was grinding on him for an hour. |
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| If you leave the house wearing one thing and return with messy hair, smeared makeup and wearing another thing, you damn well have better gone to the gym! Because they will notice... BUSTED! |
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| Quizlet has everything. Seriously. Use if for finals! |
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| If you screw up and forget one of my tips, no biggie. Just laugh it off and improvise. I have no idea, but hey, I made it through without this, you'll come up with SOMETHING! |
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| Never take 7 & 1/2 inches for granted. Seriously, its better than you'd think! |
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| Make him shave. Not even kidding. It'll smell better and just be more pleasant overall. |
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| Make him ask you out BEFORE you make out with him... |
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| Facebook is a waste. Twitter is where it's AT! |
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Always a classic.
"How's YOUR eight second ride?" is always an acceptable question ;) |
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| No boy is EVER worth it after 10 pm on a weeknight. Get those 8+ hours of sleep, the boy will still be there tomorrow! |
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| Nose is classy. Bellybutton is cute. Ears are awesome. Most others just depend. Nipple and other private piercings are never okay. Think about it... SOMEONE has to see it to pierce it!! |
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| You can always turn around from wherever you've been. Never forget that. But remember, some places are harder to climb out of than they were to fall into (SEX). |
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| Always put the radio in your car back to a "good" station, or at least off of the trashy Ke$ha CD. You never know who might go get your car out of the garage for you and turn it on to hear "I'm over it, so suck my dick!" on the song... |
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| It tastes like plain greek yogurt. |
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| If he has a problem with church, you need to have a problem with him. It might be worse than it seems. |
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MLL #41
Grounds for Breakup. |
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| Drugs. Drinking. Partying. Lying. Sleeping around. Stealing. Not willing to go to church. Being a general asshole. |
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| It exists. It sucks. You'll live. |
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| Do it early. Seriously. It sucks a big one. |
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| Apply early. You don't have homework? Get on Naviance and look for scholarships and GET ON THAT SHIT. It's free money, do it when you're watching TV. And save all the essays. |
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| You can make a good time out of a baseball game, a can of whipped cream and rolling down a hill like we did when we were eight. |
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| You can play any game in Walmart. Bingo, hide-and-seek, photo scavenger hunt, who can try on the ugliest clothes? etc... |
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MLL #47
Egyptian Rat Scew. |
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| Always take off all rings before you play. Or else, your head with have a ring mark, as will everyone else's hands and no one will be happy with you. |
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| If played with a guy, it may lead to a blowjob deal (see MLL #17 )... Beware. |
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| Don't be afraid to make mistakes. That way you can make your own advice list for some innocent little sophomore :) |
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| If someone (ESPECIALLY a guy!) tells you that you're beautiful or look pretty, SAY THANK YOU! Don't try to deny that shit. |
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MLL #51
Grounds to Punch. |
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| Grabbing of the ass. ALWAYS gives you grounds to punch. HARD. |
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| To us, we feel like they are the classy way to give up on life for the day. To guys, they are the sexiest thing a girl can wear to school without getting yelled at. And they give them reason to stare at our asses. |
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| Keep clothes on. Especially if you're in his room. Even more if you're in his bed. ABSOLUTELY if he's in it with you! |
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| Making out with the boyfriend in the presence of the best friends... don't do it! |
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Make him be gentle. Really. Rough and hard and fast isn't really that fun.
(*And you wont know what this one is about until you are in that situation, but when you are, you will understand*) |
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Making out is fun. Especially in a river with him holding you up.
(And you think that I'm joking...) |
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| Showers can be really fun. Like really fun ;) |
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| Sweats are always a good idea for movie night ;) |
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| It's easier on your mouth if you're head on, not of to one side or the other. Straight up. |
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| Beds are original and classy. And comfortable. Always. |
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