use a white lie to have a positive outcome

"do you like my outfit?"

detecting deception:

third party information

to detect deception

information revealed outside the relationship

ex: saying you're sleeping at a friend's but really going to a party and moms talking and figuring out you didn't sleep where you said you did

confessions:

solicited confessions

unsolicited confessions

to detect deception

a confession after direct questioning

a confession out of the blue

*deception is detected using multiple cues

"why did I say that?"

when we perceive that our self esteem has been threatened or if we have presented a negative view of ourselves to others

embarrassment roles:

agent

recipient

observer

resposible for our own embarrassment

embarrassing moment happens to you

(friend tells your crush you like them)

watch someone else in an embarrassing situation

responding to embarrassment:

accounts

apologies

joking

explanation for the cause of the embarrassment

looking for a source to blame

using humor to make light of the situation

verbal aggression:

argumentativeness

verbal aggressiveness

person challenges an issue or position.

attacks the self-confidence, character, or intelligence of another person.

verbal agression:

low aggression

moderate aggression

high aggression

severe aggression

• yelling, crying, refusing to talk, stomping out of room
• more intense. swearing, hitting other objects
• direct physical contact. slapping, shoving
• intense verbal abuse and threats, physical attacks inclusing biting, kicking, punching, etc.

workplace bullying: 

employee emotional abuse (EEA)

repeated and unwanted pursuit of one's privacy by another person who desires an intimate relationship

• sends messages
• exaggerated affection
• unwanted gifts
• finding info about them 

friendship in organizations:

autonomy/connection

friendship in organizations:

openness/closedness

friendships in organizations:

equality/inequality

friendships in organizations:

impartiality/favoritism

friendships in organizations:

judgement/acceptance

mentor relationships

mentor relationships:

supportive mentors

(parent, cheerleader, groom)

help employees acheive goals, labeled as the "parent", "cheerleader", or "groom"

parent- older and wiser, tenure

cheerleader- provides encouragement

groom- hold power positions and help new person in a specific skill

mentor relationships:

mentor relationships:

"self promoter" and "guilt trip producer"

self promoter- surround themselves with the best new colleagues 

guilt trip promoter- motivates by telling them they aren't good enough

romantic relationships at work:

sexual harrassment

romantic relationships at work:

quid pro pro 

something for something

"you will not get a rasie until you give me head"

romantic relationships at work:

hostile work environment

interpersonal effectiveness and communication in the workplace:

organizational orientation

cognitive ability used to be the only predictor of job performance, but now they use this theory that identifies 3 types of workers and how they are motivated:

upward mobiles

indiffrerents

ambivalents

interpersonal effectiveness and communication in the workplace:

upward mobiles

interpersonal effectiveness and communication in the workplace:

indifferents

interpersonal effectiveness and communication in the workplace:

ambivalents

shared system of symbols and meanings created by members through their interactions with one another.

their stories, language, and rituals

Socialization:

anticipatory socialization phase

socialization occurs through 3 stages- anticipatory socialization, organizational encounter, and metamorphosis

ASP is when the new members form expectations regarding their role in the organization.

ex: a girl watching her mom as a lawyer, or through movies

Socialization:

encounter phase

Socialization:

metamorphosis

balancing work and family relationships:

routinizing tasks

- connecting

- alternating

reoccuring pattens to accomplish daily routines

connecting: daily calls to coordinate schedules or to check on a child

alternating: interactions between spouses to negotiate "trade offs" or exchange tasks in daily routine

balancing work and family relationships:

- prepping

- reiprocating

preppeing: nightly strategy used to maintain order in the routine

reciprocating: strategies often involve coordinating the exchange of child care issues

balancing work and family relationships:

- improvising

- requesting assistance

- evading

improvisng: actions taken when your schedule isn't predictable

requesting assistance: involves asking others for work accomidations or childcare assistance during last-minute circumstances

evading: withholding information or deceiving others as a means of handling mulitple tasks

the nature, content, and effects of messages:

messages

the nature of messages:

what makes up a message?

lexical meaning

syntax

semantics

pragmatics

the nature of messages:

lexical meaning

the nature of messages:

syntax

patterned ways words are combined to form longer utterances like sentances.

ex: I love you, not I you love

the nature of messages:

semantics

the nature of messages:

pragmatics

how people use language in social contexts. what the person using the word is meaning. 

ex: you're dumb

The style of messages:

hesitations

The style of messages:

hedges

part of powerless speech- "hasn't it?" and "what do you think?"

defers power in the conversation

the style of messages:

language intensity

The style of messages:

verbal immediacy

using language to either make you sound interested in the subject. 

"c'mon, let's go the party, we'll have so much fun!"

"oh, nothing's going on, just a party."

The style of messages:

lexical diversity

how big your vocabulary is. 

calculated using the TTR, which is the number of different words in a message divided by the total number of words. high redundancy has low TTR, low redundancy has high TTR.

the content of messages:

face threatening act (FTA)

an act that could cause embarrassment or take away from your public face.

used in the content of messages in the form of politeness and making a FTA less face threatening. 

the content of messages:

bald on record

the content of messages:

Indirectness

the content of messages:

redress

the content of messages:

power, distance, rank

the content of messages:

equivocal language

saying something that has 2 meanings

"is your roommate clean?"... "what's your definition of clean?"

this avoids saying something rude about your roommate, but also lets that person know you may feel

the content of messages:

avoidable-avoidable conflicts

knowing no matter how you respond you'll upset someone, so you say something out of the blue to avoid answering

the content of messages:

person centeredness

the content of messages: 

message complexity

making message choices- goals, plans, and actions :

goals

(primary and secondary)

future affairs someone is commited to reaching. 

a goal in a conversation could be to give advice or motivate

primary: what the conversation is "about. ex- give my friend advice

secondary: a more specific decision about pursuing the first goal. ex- boost my friends self esteem (supports the goal to give advice)

making message choices- goals, plans, and actions :

cognitive rules model

making message choices- goals, plans, and actions :

goal motivation

making message choices- goals, plans, and actions :

effectance motivation

making message choices- goals, plans, and actions :

normative motivation

desire to behave in role appropriate ways 

(knowing when to listen, comfort, fix, etc.)

Chapter 6 title:

visible acts of meaning

• all the actions we take while talking with others. 
• not all nonverbal behaviors serve a communicative function.
• expressions can mean different things in different contexts.

"Communication is mostly nonverbal" 

• tone of voice is more important than content.
• facial movement is most important
• think of marketing formula (55%, 38%, 7%)

"you can tell if someone is lying by closely observing nonverbal behaviors"

• there are non universal "tells" that detect deception
• this does not exist and has never been proven

Nonverbal communication myth 2: 

few transparent liars

Nonverbal communication myth 2:

leakage hypothesis

"you can't judge a book by it's cover"

• when you first meet someone, you absolutely judge them and can tell what they're like. 

Nonverbal communication myth 3:

Immediacy behaviors

the initial behaviors that create an environment to interact in. 

face is judged first. 

the more time you have at first you only use to affirm your judgements, not prove them different. 

"a good first impression is always good"

• people may act one way to con someone into thinking they are something they aren't.
• snap judgements and impressions can lead to forming opinions and when they aren't actually like that, it can end badly 

How we interpret nonverbal behaviors:

expextancy violations theory

expectancy violations theory:

physiological arousal

cognitive arousal

violation valence

when someone is violating your expectations, you have arousal via quickened heart rate and other physical signs. as well as you may think the person is strange for invading your personal space. if this invasion is positive or negative is all up to interpretation. 

the positive or negative conclusion of the violation is the violation variance

expectancy violation theory: 

communicator reward valence

degree to which you find the person enacting the behavior positive or negative. If it's positive, then it's a reward. If it's negative then it's more of a punishment. 

people that have positive evaluations are high status, attractive, warm, and trust-worthy. 

Close relationships:

Intimacy

Close relationships:

interdependance

the actions of 2 people influence and are influenced by each other. 

this can vary according to how well you know the person.

Close relationships:

stronger impact

frequent impact

diverse impact

duration

• stronger: close relationships with people means you have a stronger influence than someone who doesn't know them very well. 
• frequent: we see our close relationship people more often so we have more frequent impacts on their behavior. 
• diverse: you share more kinds of activities with them so you have more ways to influence their thinking. 
• duration: the longer we know the person the more influence we'll have. 

Close relationships:

compartmentalized friendships

a friend in a specific activity

ex: running buddy

what is attraction:

interpersonal attraction

what is attraction:

physical attraction

- halo effect

refers to looks, what you see on the outside.

- "good looking" people tend to be more intelligent, popular, and happy

what is attraction:

social attraction

what is attraction:

task attraction

what is attraction:

sexual attraction

relational attraction

fatal attraction

• sexual: someone you want to have sex with, may not have any other feelings for them. 
• relational: someone you want to have a relationship with, like social attraction plus physical attraction.
• fatal: those positive attractions you had towards them turn into things that annoy you.

subconcious influencers

exchange prinicples

early socialization influences

communicative dynamics

factors that operate below our conscious awareness. 

biological influences like pheromones (scented sex hormones) and misattributions of arousal (thinking you're attracted to someone but mistakening it for fear or something blood pulsing in the moment.

Category 1: Subconscious influencers

romeo and juliet effect

while social groups are very important and having acceptance of someone means a lot, this theory is the exception. 

parental interference can increase attraction between 2 people. if they say don't date someone with a motorcycle, you'll be more attracted to people with them. 

Category 4: communicative dynamics

main effects model

if you have better communication skills you will be seen as more attractive. 

ex: emotional support, listen, persuade, and inform. 

Category 4: communicative dynamics

immediacy behaviors

sociability

competence

supports the main effects model:

warmth

easy to talk to 

smart

Category 4: communicative dynamics

the skill similarity model

So s/he's attractive, now what?

opening lines

"pick up lines"

what someone says to initiate conversation with a romantic partner

So s/he's attractive, now what?

3 types of opening lines

1. cute-flippant: attempt to be cute or funny. cliches. cheesy pick up lines. 
2. innocuous approach: speaking in an implicit and vague manner. "are you having a good time?"
3. direct: clearly stating what you're thinking. "would you like to split a bottle of wine?"

So s/he's attractive, now what?

reasons to use cute-flippant lines (3)

1. fear of rejection: these lines are so bad they're easy to recover from when they don't work. guys use these because others make them feel very vulnerable. 
2. intermittent reinforcement: these lines are in books so they have to work. 
3. lack social skills: people may just not know any better.

So s/he's attractive, now what?

uncertainty reduction theory

developed to explain the initital interactions stage of interpersonal transaction. 

• entry stage: when strangers first meet
• personal phase: exchange ideas and personal values
• exit phase: deciding if the person is worth persuing. 

So s/he's attractive, now what?

2 types of uncertainty

1. behavioral uncertainty: how should I act?
2. cognitive uncertainty: who is this person? who is this person and how do you interact with them as a person. 

So s/he's attractive, now what?

3 ways we reduce uncertainty and gain knowledge about them 

1. passive strategies: your own observations. 
• ex: stalking on facebook
2. active strategies: using third parties to seek information. 
• ex:flirting with other people in front of that person to get a reaction. 
3. interactive strategies: ask questions to find information. the more comfortable you are with the person, the more your attraction grows. 

So s/he's attractive, now what?

social penetration theory

explains the 6 dimensions of self-disclosure

1. breadth
2. depth
3. frequency
4. duration
5. valence
6. varacity

also the onion theory, that there are layers to everyone's self.

So s/he's attractive, now what?

social penetration theory:

breadth

depth

most central to relationship development

• breadth: how much information someone feels comfortable exposing. 
• depth: how personal is the info that was disclosed.  

So s/he's attractive, now what?

social penetration theory:

frequency

duration

• frequency: how often you talk to someone, this determines their level on your onion self. 
• duration: how long you've known them also determines this.

So s/he's attractive, now what?

social penetration theory:

valence

veracity

• valence: positive or negative information.
• varacity: how honest the information is.

So s/he's attractive, now what?

social penetration theory:

process of disclosing information

orderly process that goes from superficial to social to core

1. incremental: goes through the levels of disclosure starting with superficial. 
2. reciprocal: sharing equal parts of information. both people share the same amount. 
3. symmetrical: share even levels of disclosure.