Term
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Definition
| Removed from concrete reality. |
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Term
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Definition
| A secondary style of loving that is selfless and based on giving to others, not on receiving rewards or returns from them. A blend of eros and storge. |
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Term
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Definition
| Subject to multiple meanings. |
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Term
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Definition
| Listening carefully to an exchange for the purpose of attacking the speaker. |
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Term
| anxious/ambivalent attachment style |
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Definition
| A mode of relating/attachment style characterized by preoccupation with relationships and inconsistent behavior toward the partner. Develops in childhood when a caregiver behaves inconsistently toward a child, sometimes loving and sometimes rejecting or neglectful. |
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Term
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Definition
| Random or not constrained by necessity. |
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Term
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Definition
| A personal object that we use to announce our identity and personalize our environment. |
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Term
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Definition
| A clear, nonjudgmental statement of what we feel, need, or want. Not synonymous with aggression, which involves putting our needs ahead of others' needs, sometimes at cost to them. |
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Term
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Definition
| A pattern of relating instilled by the way a caregiver teaches the child who he or she is, who others are, and how to approach relationships. |
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Term
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Definition
| An internal account of why something happens or why someone acted a certain way. |
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Term
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Definition
| Noting an important issue that comes up in the course of discussing other matters and agreeing to discuss it a later time. By acknowledging and agreeing to deal with the bracketed issue later, this technique allows partners to stay effetively focused on the specific issue at hand. |
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Term
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Definition
| Occurs when we suppress complaints and expressions of dissatisfaction or anger from someone we perceive as more powerful than us, because we fear that the more powerful person could punish us |
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Term
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Definition
| The aspect of nonverbal communication that involves our perceptions and use of time to define identities and interaction. |
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Term
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Definition
| In our interpretation of experience, the number of constructs used, how abstract that are, and how elaborately they interact to create perceptions. |
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Term
| Cognitive labeling view of emotions |
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Definition
| The theory that our feelings are shaped by the labels we apply to our physiological responses. |
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Term
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Definition
| A decision to remain with a relationship. One of three dimensions of enduring romantic relationships, commitment has greater influence on relationship continuity than does love alone. Also refers to an advanced stage in the escalation of a romantic relationship. |
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Term
| committed romantic relationship |
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Definition
| A voluntary relationship between individuals who assume they will be primary and continuing parts of each other's lives. Committed romantic relationships include three dimensions: intimacy, passion, and commitment. |
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Term
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Definition
| The overall feeling, or emotional mood, of a relationship. Shaped by verbal and nonverbal interaction between people. |
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Term
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Definition
| Shared understandings of what communication means and what behaviors are appropriate in various situations |
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Term
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Definition
| Rules that define what communication means by specifying how certain communicative acts are to be counted. |
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Term
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Definition
| The theory that we organize and interpret experience b y applying cognitive structures called schemata. |
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Term
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Definition
| The content of, or denotative information in, communication. These meanings are literal |
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Term
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Definition
| Building a solution through negotiation and acceptance of parts of proposals for resolution. Contracting usually is present in the later stages of constructive conflict. |
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Term
| counterfeit emotional language |
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Definition
| communication that seems to express feelings but doesn't actually describe what a person is feeling. |
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Term
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Definition
| beliefs, understandings, practices, and ways to interpret experience that are shared by a group of people. |
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Term
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Definition
| management of inner feelings |
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Term
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Definition
| perceiving personal attacks, criticisms, or hostile undertones in communication when none are intended. |
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Term
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Definition
| communication that explicitly tells us who we are by specifically labeling us and reacting to our behaviors. Usually first occurs in families, then in interaction with peers and others. |
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Term
| dismissive attachment style |
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Definition
| A mode of relating instilled typically early in life by a disinterested, rejecting, or abusive caregiver, in which the individual later tends to dismiss others as unworthy and thus does not seek close relationships. Unlike people with fearful attachment styles, those with a dismissive style do not accept the caregiver's view of them as unlovable. |
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Term
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Definition
| A person who communicates negatively about us and reflects a negative appraisal of our self-worth. |
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Term
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Definition
| the ability to understand both your own and another's perspectives, beliefs, thoughts and feelings. |
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Term
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Definition
| An individual's perception of where he or she stops and the rest of the world begins. |
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Term
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Definition
| the ability to recognize which feelings are appropriate in which situations, and the skill to communicate those feelings effectively. |
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Term
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Definition
| our experience and interpretation of internal sensations as they are shaped by physiology, perceptions, language, and social experience |
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Term
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Definition
| The effort we invest to make ourselves feel what our culture defines as appropriate and not to feel what our culture defines as inappropriate in particular situations |
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Term
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Definition
| the ability to feel with another person, to feel what she or he feels. |
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Term
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Definition
| the process by which proximity breeds ill will, when we are forced to be around others whose values, attitudes, and lifestyles conflict with our own. |
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Term
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Definition
| Fairness based on the perception that both partners should invest roughly equally in a relationship and benefit similarly from their investments. Perceived equity is a primary influence on relationship satisfaction. |
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Term
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Definition
| one of the three primary styles of loving, a powerful, passionate styel of love that blazes to life suddenly and dramatically |
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Term
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Definition
| the branch of philosophy that deals with moral principles and codes of conduct. Because interpersonal communication affects people, sometimes profoundly, it always has ethical implications. |
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Term
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Definition
| The assumption that one's own culture and its norms are the only right ones. this type of communication reflects certainty, which tends to create defensive communication climates. |
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Term
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Definition
| To leave conflict, either psychologically (by tuning out disagreements) or physically (by walking away from an argument, or even leaving the relationship). One of four ways of responding to conflict, the exit response is active and generally destructive. |
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Term
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Definition
| a mode of relating instilled by a caregiver in the first relationship (usually parent-child) who communicates to the child in consistently negative, rejecting, or even abusive ways. People with fearful attachment styles are inclined to feel apprehensive and insecure about relationships. |
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Term
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Definition
| Responses to messages. This is continuous, and it may be verbal, nonverbal, or both; it may be intentional or unintentional. |
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Term
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Definition
| Culturally based guidelines that tell us what we have a right to feel or are expected to feel in specific situations. |
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Term
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Definition
| culturally based guidelines that define the emotional meaning of situations and events. |
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Term
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Definition
| Friends who remain close regardless of distance and life changes |
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Term
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Definition
| Temporary friends with whom intimacy is not sustained when one of the friends moves or other life changes occur. |
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Term
| fundamental attribution error |
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Definition
| Overestimating the internal causes of others' behavior and underestimating the external causes. |
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Term
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Definition
| Interactions in which the real conflicts are hidden or denied and a counterfeit excuse is created for arguments or put-downs. |
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Term
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Definition
| One source of social perspectives that people use to define themselves and guide how they think, act, and feel; our perceptions of the views, values, and perspectives that are endorsed by society as a whole. |
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Term
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Definition
| Granting forgiveness or putting aside our personal need in favor of someone else's when it is not required or expected. This reflects generosity of spirit. |
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Term
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Definition
| The sense of touch and what it means. This is part of nonverbal communication. |
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Term
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Definition
| Language that dehumanizes others and that reflects and often motivates hostility toward the target of the speech. |
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Term
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Definition
| the physiological result of sound waves hitting our eardrums. unlike listening, this is a passive process. |
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Term
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Definition
| A guide to actino based on rules for living and identity. Initially communicated in families, identity scripts define our roles, how we are to play them, and basic elements in the plots of our lives. Not the same as script, which is one of the four cognitive schemata. |
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Term
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Definition
| impersonal communication in which people are treated as objects or as instrumental to our purposes. |
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Term
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Definition
| Language in which one takes the personal responsibility for the feelings with words that own the feelings and do not project responsibility for the feelings onto others. |
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Term
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Definition
| Behavior that increases pereptions of closeness between communicators. |
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Term
| implicit personality theory |
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Definition
| Our often unconscious assumptions about what qualities fit together in human personalities. |
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Term
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Definition
| A technique of linking our evaluations of speech and events to specific times or circumstances, to remind ourselves that evaluations are not static or unchanging. |
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Term
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Definition
| a model that represents communication as a feedback process, in which listeners and speakers both simultaneously send and receive messages. |
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Term
| interactive view of emotinos |
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Definition
| the theory that social rules and understandings shape what people feel and how they express and withhold feelings. |
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Term
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Definition
| Relationships stresses that grow out of people and their interactions. |
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Term
| interpersonal communication |
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Definition
| A selective, systemic, ongoing process in which individuals interact to reflect and build personal knowledge and to create meanings. |
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Term
| interpersonal communication competence |
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Definition
| Proficiency in communicatino that is interpersonally effective and appropriate. Competence includes the abilities to monitor oneself, to engage in dual perspectives, to enact a range of communication skills, and to adapt communication appropriately. |
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Term
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Definition
| The expressed disagreement, struggle, or discord that exists when people who depend on each other express different views, interests, or goals and perceive their differences as incompatible or as opposed by the other. |
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Term
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Definition
| The subjective process of evaluating and explaining perceptions. |
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Term
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Definition
| One of three dimensions of enduring, committed romantic relationships. Intimacy refers to feelings of closeness, connection, and tenderness between lovers. |
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Term
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Definition
| Elements (such as energy, time, money, and emotion) put into a relationship that cannot be recovered should the relationship end. Investment, more than rewards and love, increases commitment. |
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Term
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Definition
| Fully interpersonal communication in which people acknowledge and deal with each other as unique individuals who meet fully in dialogue. |
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Term
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Definition
| Communication midway between impersonal and interpersonal communication, in which the other is acknowledged as a human being but not fully engaged as a unique individual. |
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Term
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Definition
| Developed in 1969 by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham, this is a model of the different types of knowledge that affect self-development. |
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Term
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Definition
| Body positions and body motions, including those of the face. |
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Term
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Definition
| An unproductive form of conflict communication in which "everything but the kitchen sink" - irrelevant reasons, insults and excuses - is thrown into the argument. |
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Term
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Definition
| A model that represents communication as a one-way process that flows in one direction, from sender to receiver. Linear models do not capture the dynamism of communication or the active participation of all communicators. |
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Term
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Definition
| The theory that language determines what we can perceive and think. This theory has been largely discredited, although the less strong claim that language shapes thought is widely accepted. |
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Term
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Definition
| a complex process that consists of being mindful, hearing, selecting and organizing information, interpreting communication, responding, and remembering. Listening is a very different process from hearing, which is simply a a physiological action |
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Term
| listening for information |
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Definition
| one of the three goals of listening' focuses on gaining and evaluating ideas, facts, opinions, reasons, and so forth. |
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Term
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Definition
| One of the three goals of listening; motivated by the desire to enjoy rather than to gain information or to support others. |
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Term
| listening to support others |
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Definition
| one of the three goals of listening' focuses more on the relationship level of meaning than on the content level of meaning. Aims to understand and respond to others' feelings, thoughts, and perceptions in affirming ways. |
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Term
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Definition
| Listening only to the content level of meaning and ignoring the relationship level of meaning. |
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Term
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Definition
| An extreme form of evaluative language that relies on words that strongly slant perceptions and thus meanings. |
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Term
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Definition
| an orientation toward conflict that assumes that nobody can win and everyone loses from engaging in conflict. |
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Term
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Definition
| Silent allegiance to a relationship and a person when conflict exists. One of the four ways of responding to conflict, loyalty is passive and tends to be constructive. |
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Term
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Definition
| One of the three primary styles of love, in which the goal is not to commitment but to have fun at love as a game or a series of challenges and maneuvers. |
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Term
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Definition
| Passionate, sometimes obsessive love that includes emotional extremes. One of the three secondary styles of love; made up of eros and ludus. |
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Term
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Definition
| Communication about communication. When excessive, as in unproductive conflict interaction, metacommunication becomes self-absorbing and diverts partners from the issues causing conflict. |
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Term
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Definition
| Being fully present in the moment. A concept from Zen Buddhism; the first step of listening and the foundation of all other steps. |
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Term
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Definition
| Assuming that we understand what another person thinks or how another person perceives something. Often a harmful practice, because mind reading denies the other person the chance to explain their own thoughts or feelings. |
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Term
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Definition
| A brief phrase ('go on') or sound that gently invites another person to elaborate by expressing our interest in hearing more. |
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Term
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Definition
| Representations of what something is and how it works. |
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Term
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Definition
| Observing and regulating your own communication. |
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Term
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Definition
| Continually focussing communication on ourselves instead of on the person who is talking. |
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Term
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Definition
| denial or minimization of problems. One of the four ways of responding to conflict, neglect is passive and tends to be destructive. |
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Term
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Definition
| Anything that distorts communication such that it is harder for people to understand each other. This can be physical, psychological, semantic, and so forth. |
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Term
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Definition
| All forms of communication other than words themselves. Includes inflection and other vocal qualities, haptics, and several other behaviors. |
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Term
| Organismic view of emotions |
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Definition
| The theory that external phonomena cause physiological changes that lead us to experience emotions. Also called the James-Lange view of emotions. |
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Term
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Definition
| Vocal communication, such as accents and inflection, that does not use words. |
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Term
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Definition
| a method of clarifying another's meaning by reflecting our interpretations of his or her communication back to him or her. |
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Term
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Definition
| One source of social perspectives that people use to define themselves and guide how they think, act, and feel; people who are especially important to the self. |
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Term
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Definition
| Intensely positive feelings and desires for another person. One of the three dimensions of enduring romantic relationships, passion is based on the rewards of involvement and is not equivalent to commitment. |
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Term
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Definition
| Attacking while denying doing so; a means of covertly expressing conflict, anger, or both. |
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Term
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Definition
| The active process of selecting, organizing, and interpreting people, objects, events, situations, and activities. |
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Term
| perceptual view of emotions |
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Definition
| the theory that subjective perceptions shape the meanings of external phenomena and the emotions we associate with them. Also called appraisal theory. |
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Term
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Definition
| Bipolar mental yardsticks by which we measure people and situations along specific dimensions of judgment. |
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Term
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Definition
| the ability to perceive people as unique and to differentiate them from social roles and generalizations based on their membership in social groups. |
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Term
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Definition
| The process of creating a physical environment that is comfortable and reflects one's values, experiences, and tastes. Physical environment is part of relational culture, which is the nucleus of intimacy. |
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Term
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Definition
| Pragmatic or practical love. One of the secondary styles of loving, pragma is a blend of storge and ludus |
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Term
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Definition
| an ongoing, continuous, dynamic flow that has no clear-cut beginning or ending and is always evolving and changing. Interpersonal communication is a process. |
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Term
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Definition
| knowledge structures that define the clearest or most representative examples of some category. |
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Term
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Definition
| An aspect of nonverbal communication that includes space and our uses of it |
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Term
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Definition
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Term
| psychological responsibility |
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Definition
| the responsibility for remembering, planning, and coordinating domestic work and child care. In general, women assume psychological responsibility for child care adn housework even though both partners may share the actual tasks. |
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Term
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Definition
| defining the beginning and ending of interaction or interaction episodes |
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Term
| rational-emotive approach to feelings |
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Definition
| using rational thinking to challenge and change debilitating emotions that undermine self-concept and self-esteem. |
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Term
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Definition
| the process of seeing and thinking about ourselves in terms of the appraisals of us that others reflect. |
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Term
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Definition
| a private world of rules, understandings, and patterns of acting and interpreting that partners create to give meaning to their relationship; the nucleus of intimacy. |
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Term
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Definition
| Opposing forces, or tensions, that are normal parts of all relationships. The three relational dialectics are autonomy/intimacy, novelty/routine, and openness/closedness. |
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Term
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Definition
| What communication expresses about the relationship between communicators. The three dimensions of relationship-level meanings are liking or disliking, responsiveness, and power (control). |
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Term
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Definition
| guidelines that friends or romantic partners have for their relationships. Usually, relationship rules are tacit, not explicit, understandings. |
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Term
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Definition
| The process of recalling what you have heard; the sixth element of listening. |
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Term
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Definition
| symbolizing your interest in what is being said with observable feedback to speakers during the process of interaction; the fifth of the six elements of listening |
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Term
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Definition
| A definition of exprected or appropriate sequences of action in a particular setting. Scripts are one of the four cognitive schemata; not the same as an identity script. |
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Term
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Definition
| Work that a person, usually a woman, does after coming home from working in the paid labor force outside the home, such as fixing meals, doing housework, shopping, and caring for children. |
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Term
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Definition
| A mode of relating that involves confidence in oneself and in relationships. Like other attachment styles, the secure mode is instilled by a caregiver who responds in a consistently attentive, loving way to a child' the most common and most positive of the four attachment styles. People with secure attachment styles tend to be comfortable forming close bonds with others. |
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Term
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Definition
| focusing only on selected parts of communication. We do this when we screen out parts of a message that don't interest us or with which we disagree and when we rivet attention on parts of communication that do interest us or with which we agree. |
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Term
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Definition
| a constantly evolving, processual understanding of oneself that grows out of the processes of interacting with others and society and internalizing values and views of our identity that others reflect to us. |
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Term
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Definition
| the act of revealing personal information about ourselves that others are unlikely to discover in other ways. |
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Term
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Definition
| acting in a way that embodies expectations or judgments about us. |
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Term
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Definition
| self-talk that communicates that we are no good, that we can't do something, and so forth. this undermines our belief in ourselves and our motivation to change and grow. |
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Term
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Definition
| the tendency to attribute our positive actions and successes to stable, global, internal influences under our control, and to attribute our negative actions and failures to unstable, specific, eternal influences beyond our control. |
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Term
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Definition
| intrapersonal communication that affects our feelings and behaviors. |
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Term
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Definition
| comparing ourselves with others in order to form judgments of our own talents, abilities, qualities, and so forth. |
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Term
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Definition
| the theory that people apply economic principles to evaluate their relationships in terms of costs and benefits, and that people are satisfied only in relationships in which the benefits outweigh the costs. |
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Term
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Definition
| a group of people who share norms, regulative rules, and constitutive rules for communicating and interpreting the communication of others. |
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Term
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Definition
| the knowledge and perspective shaped by the material, symbolic, and social conditions common to members of a social group. |
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Term
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Definition
| assessments that suggest that something is unchanging. "bob is impatient" for example. |
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Term
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Definition
| Predictive generalizations about people and situations. |
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Term
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Definition
| A comfortable, friendly kind of love, often likened to friendship. One of the three primary styles of loving. |
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Term
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Definition
| Controlling expression of inner feeling |
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Term
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Definition
| An abstract, arbitrary, and ambiguous representation of a phenomenon. |
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Term
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Definition
| Taking place within multiple systems that influence what is communicated and what meanings are constructed; a quality of interpersonal communication. examples of this include physical context, culture, personal histories, and previous interactions between people. |
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Term
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Definition
| Responding to a person as if one aspect of his or her life were the totality of the person. |
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Term
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Definition
| A model of communication as a dynamic process that changes over time and in which participants assume multiple roles. |
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Term
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Definition
| belief in another's reliability (that he or she will do whatever is promised) and emotional reliance on the other to care about and protect our welfare; the belief that our private information is safe with the other person. |
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Term
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Definition
| A person who communicates positively about us and reflects a positive appraisal of our self-worth. |
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Term
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Definition
| communicating about differences, tensions, and disagreements. One of the four responses to conflict, the voice response is active and can be constructive for people and relationships. |
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Term
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Definition
| An extreme form of downer who not only communicates a negative image of us but actually attacks our self-concept. |
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Term
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Definition
| An orientation toward conflict that assumes that one person wins at the expense of another. |
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Term
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Definition
| An orientation toward conflict that assumes that everyone can win, or benefit, from engaging in conflict and that it is possible to generate resolutions that satisfy everyone. |
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Term
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Definition
| Language that projects responsibility for one's own feelings or actions onto other people. Not recommended for interpersonal communication. |
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