Term
| Four Horsemen of Apocalypse |
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Definition
Criticism
Defensiveness
Stonewalling
Contempt |
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Term
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Definition
First minute of conflict predicts whether 96%of married couples will stay married or divorce.
"You always" or "You never" = destructive
When it begins with a critical statement, it is likely to escalate |
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Term
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Definition
Desire to protect oneself from pain/fear, personal responsibility, new information.
Whining, deflection, attack, further defense
Leads to power struggle, boredom/lacks fun, chronic fighting, emotional pain, distance, desire to retaliate |
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Term
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Definition
One person withdraws from interaction
More than avoidance. Signals withdrawal while still being present.
Men more than women (85%)
Criticism + stonewalling predicts divorce
Holding back is milder form of stonewalling. |
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Term
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Definition
Putting one person on a higher plane than their partner (mockery, hostile corrections, sarcasm, putdowns, contemptuous looks)
Almost never present in healthy relationships
Damages self esteem and long term relationships |
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Term
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Definition
Avoidance L/L
Collaboration W/W
Compromise W/L/W/L
Accomodation L/W
Competitive W/L |
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Term
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Definition
Denial/equivocation: direct denial, implicit denial, evasive remarks
Topic management: topic shifts, topic avoidance
Noncommittal remarks, statements, questions, abstract remarks, procedural remarks
Irreverent remarks: friendly joking |
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Term
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Definition
Buys time to think of responses
if issue is trivial or other important issues demand attention
If relationship is unimportant
To keep oneself from harm
to keep other party from influencing you |
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Term
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Definition
"you dont care enough to confront them"
Gives impression you cannot change
Allows conflict to simmer and heat up
Preserves conflict/sets stage for later explosion or backlash |
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Term
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Definition
verbal aggression: attack others' self concept
Personal criticism
rejection
hostile imperatives, jokes, questions
Presumptive remarks
denial of responsibility
threats
character attacks: profanity, insults, ridicule
Ultimate tactic: VIOLENCE |
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Term
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Definition
allows for creativity
when best performance/ideas are rewarded
during emergency (quick, decisive actions)
when goal is more important than relationship
lets others know youre committed to issue |
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Term
| Competition disadvantages |
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Definition
can harm relationships because of focus on external goals
If one party isnt willing or unable to deal with conflict head on
Can encourage one to use disguised means to make other pay
Reduces conflict to winning or losing |
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Term
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Definition
Appeals to fairness
Suggests trade off
maximizes wins/minimizes losses
quick, short term solutions |
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Term
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Definition
Accomplish important goals with less effort than collaboration
power balance
good in time pressured situations
back up when other methods fail
appears reasonable to most people |
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Term
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Definition
"easy way out"
always involves a form of loss
prevents creativity
can be sophisticated form of avoidance |
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Term
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Definition
giving up/in
disengagement
denial of needs
expression of desire for harmony |
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Term
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Definition
demonstrates reasonableness, especially if one finds theyre wrong
if issue is important to one but not the other
prevents one party from harming the other
allows relationship to continue w/o overt conflict
can be a way of betting on most experienced persons judgement |
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Term
| Accommodation disadvantages |
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Definition
can foster undertone of competitiveness
reduces creativity
partners commitment to relationship is never tested
pseudo solution: can boomerang if accommodation is resented
furthers ones lack of power
encourages low power person to withhold energy/caring |
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Term
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Definition
analytic remarks: descriptive statements, disclosing statements, qualifying statements
Conciliatory remarks: supportive remarks, concessions, acceptance of responsibility |
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Term
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Definition
one wants to find solution that will satisfy both parties
both feel decisions are reality based
fits people in long term committed relationships
affirms importance of content/relational goals
prevents violence
demonstrates conflict can be productive |
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Term
| Collaboration disadvantages |
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Definition
one can become imprisoned by it
if investment in issue or relationship is low, then its not worth the time/energy required
more verbally skilled people can manipulate |
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Term
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Definition
| Expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals. |
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Term
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Definition
Each party has own view of conflict
Any conflict will have 1. Communication behavior 2. Perceptions of those behaviors
Each has a view of self, other person, and relationship. Meaning ascribed to relationship: past/current events, and future projections |
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Term
| Aristotle's theory rhetoric |
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Definition
Persuasion:
Ethos
Pathos
Logos |
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Term
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Definition
| Ethics. Credibility of speaker. Trustworthy? Goodwill, their motives. |
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Term
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Definition
| Emotion. Guilt, fear, sex, etc. |
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Term
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Definition
| Logic. Statistics. Facts. |
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Term
| Monroe's Motivated Sequence |
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Definition
Appeals to Pathos
1. Attention (teaser)
2. Need (attention)
3. Satisfaction (solution)
4. Visualization (envision the future)
5. Action (clincher) |
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Term
| Toulmin's Model of Argument |
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Definition
Appeals to Logos
1. Claim (making an assertion-thesis)
2. Data
3. Warrant (reason. why is it good evidence? ties claim and warrant) |
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Term
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Definition
5 stages
1. Hearing
2. Attending
3. Evaluating
4. Responding
5. Remembering |
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Term
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Definition
| Physiological. Not same as listening. Passive. |
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Term
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Definition
| Act of paying attention to certain noises as opposed to others. We choose to pay attention to certain noises and ignore others. Active. |
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Term
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Definition
| Trying to make sense of what you hear. interpreting, understanding, judging. Active. |
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Term
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Definition
| Once we make sense of the message, we formulate a response. |
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Term
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Definition
| You keep the message so that it may be useful later. |
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Term
| Reasons we fail to listen |
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Definition
Message Overload
Preoccupation
Rapid thought
Effort
External Noise
Internal Noise
Faulty assumptions
lack of apparent advantages
hearing problems
media influences |
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Term
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Definition
| the sheer quantity of messages we hear makes it impossible to listen to all of them at once. |
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Term
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Definition
| sometimes, our minds are just focused on something else |
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Term
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Definition
| While our brains can process 600 words per minute, the average person speaks 100-150 words a minute. This extra space in our brains causes our minds to wander. |
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Term
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Definition
| sometimes, we dont think listening is worth expending the energy required to do it |
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Term
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Definition
| things distract us. TV anyone? |
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Term
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Definition
Things going on in our body
Psychological: thinking, daydreaming
Physiological: freezing, hungry, hungover, etc |
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Term
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Definition
| We tend to assume we already know what the other person is going to say |
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Term
| Lack of apparent advantages |
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Definition
| the WIIFM principle. (Whats In It For Me?) |
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Term
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Definition
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Term
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Definition
| the meda trains us to listen in particular ways. today's media shorten our attention span. |
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Term
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Definition
1. Pseudo listening
2. stage hogging
3. selective listening
4. insulated listening
5. defensive listening
6. ambushing
7. insensitive listening |
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Term
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Definition
| we pretend to listen to someone when youre not really paying attention. You might even nod once in a while. |
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Term
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Definition
| constantly trying to "one up" each other. Turning the conversation to ourselves instead of giving consideration to others. |
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Term
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Definition
| we only listen to the parts we want to hear. As such, we come in and out of the conversation. |
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Term
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Definition
| we avoid information we dont want to hear |
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Term
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Definition
| we take other people's remarks as if they are a personal attack. we listen for the bad things of what people are saying. |
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Term
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Definition
| instead of listening, we work to formulate responses. or we only pay attention to information we can use to attack the other person with later. |
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Term
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Definition
| we pay attention to the superficial content of a message and ignore its emotional components |
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Term
| How can we listen better? |
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Definition
Talk less
get rid of distractions
dont judge prematurely (wait for the punchline)
look for the key ideas the speaker is getting at |
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Term
| Percentage of nonverbal communication |
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Definition
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Term
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Definition
| expression as short as 1/25 of a second that reveals true emotions |
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Term
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Definition
| emotions seem forced. conflict between words and body |
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Term
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Definition
faster stride
sexy power: Putin
traditional power: Bush
last man through door
pat on back
upper hand in handshake |
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Term
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Definition
| reassuring and comforting oneself. Means feeling uncomfortable |
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Term
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Definition
| What is normal in that situation ans for that person |
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Term
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Definition
hands in pockets. face to face. clapping.
Blading, billowing, thumb twitch |
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Term
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Definition
| facial expressions inconsistent with how someone is expected to behave or with what theyre saying |
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Term
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Definition
Dr. Paul Eckerman
1. Happy
2. Sad
3. Angry
4. Contempt
5. Disgust
6. Surprised
7. Fear |
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Term
| Percentage of human communication coming from voice |
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Definition
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Term
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Definition
| we engage in relationships because we get tangible rewards from them |
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Term
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Definition
| attacking self concept of another |
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Term
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Definition
| overall mood or tone of relationship |
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Term
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Definition
| the closer we are to someone, the likelier we are to be attracted to them |
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Term
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Definition
Edward Hall
1. Intimate
2. personal
3. social
4. public |
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Term
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Definition
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Term
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Definition
preinteractional
interactional |
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Term
| 4 main causes of verbal aggression |
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Definition
1. psychopathy
2. disdain
3. social learning
4. argumentative skill deficiency |
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Term
| 6 ways to manage verbal aggression |
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Definition
1. be polite
2. avoid verbal aggression
3. define argument
4. recognize shifts from constructive to destructive criticism
5. be aware
6. know when to stop arguing |
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Term
| 3 forms of verbal aggression |
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Definition
name calling
insults
ultimatum |
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Term
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Definition
makes us feel unnappreciatedd
ambiguous responses
impervious
interruptung
irrelevant
tangential
incongruous (contradicting) |
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Term
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Definition
makes us feel valued/appreciated
compliments
recognition
endorsement
acknowledgment |
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Term
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Definition
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Term
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Definition
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Term
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Definition
| rewards/costs are equal in a relationship |
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Term
| similarity attraction theory |
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Definition
| try to provoke similarities |
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Term
| interpersonal attraction theories (4) |
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Definition
similarity attraction
opposites attract
social exchange theory
equity |
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