Qualities of a Good Relationship

Good Relationships-Ones in which the interactions are satisfying to and healthy for those involved.

Types of Relationships

Acquaintances-people we know by name and talk with when the opportunity arises, but with whom our interactions are largely impersonal

Friends-people with whom we have negotiated more personal relationships that are voluntary

- guidelines: initiation, responsiveness,

self-disclosure, emotional support

Close Friends/Intimates-People with whom we share a high degree of commitment, trust, interdependence, disclosure, and enjoyment

-platonic-no sexual attraction

-romantic-sexual attraction

-need trust (placing confidence in another in a way that involves some risk) and to pledge time

Gender differences in relationships

Johari Window

named for Jo Luft and Harry Ingham. Toof  for examining the relationship between disclosure and feedback.

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(the four windows as called by the book [from top left to bottom right] are Open, Bind, Secret, and Unknown)

Electronically Mediated Relationships

Relationships can grow and develop online.

Stages of Relationships

Beginning and Developing- depends on knowledge of other person. Increase disclosure and support as relationship develops.

Maintaining Relationship- both people behave and communicate in ways that keep the relationship at a particular level of closeness or intimacy. Either keeps the relationship from escalating to a gerater closeness or from moving to less closeness. Recipricate unselfish acts. continuel mutual acceptable levels of affection.

De-Escalating and Ending- partners make a consious decision to spend less time together to develop more independence in social networks and to engage in less selfless behavior. Other times, relationships just deteriorate. 1) regognition of dissatisfaction 2) disengaging 3) ending

Relational Dialetics

Seemingly opposing forces (openness-closedness, autonomy-connection, and novelty-predictability) that occur in all interpersonal relationships.

Ex: Sometimes you want to talk. Sometimes you

want to remain private.

Self-Disclosure

Sharing biographical data, personal experiences, idas, and feelings.

Cultural Differences in Self-Disclosure

People from formal cultures like Germany or Japan value privacy and are less likey to disclose personal information. US is informal.

Report-Talk vs. Rapport-Talk

Report-Talk-A way to share info, display knowledge, negotiate, and preserve independece. (Used by men)

Rapport-Talk-A way to share experiences with others and establish bonds. (Used by women)

Masking Feelings

We conceal the verbal and nonverbal cues that enable our partners to understand what we are really feeling.  May mask neutrality. Leads to problems (physically and physchologically)

Displaying Feelings

Through facial expressions, body responces, and verbal outbursts. Is an escape valve for strong emotions. (may stress our relational partners.) may be misinterpreted. Can lead to abuse.

Describing Feelings

-the skill of naming the emotions you feel without judging them.

we teach other show to treat us by explaining how we are affected by what has happened. gives relational partners information to help us deal with our emotions.

1) identify the behavior that has triggered the feeling

2) identify the specific emotion you are experiencing

3) frame your responce with an "I" statement.

Constructive Criticism

-Describing specific behaviors of another that hurt the person or that person's relationships with others. Based on empathy and a sincere desire to help someone understand the impact of his or her behavior.

1) ask permission before giving criticism

2)Describe the behavior by accurately recounting what was said

3) Preface criticism with an affirming statement

4) When appropriate, suggest how the person can change the behavior.

5) Consider how the feedback will affect the relationship.

Praise

Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive Behavior

passive-not expressing personal preferences or defending our rights because we fear the cost and are insecure in the relationships, have very low self-esteem, or value the other person above ourself

Aggressive-belligerently of violently confronting another with your preferences, feelings, needs, or rights with little regard for the situation or for the feelings or rights of others

assertive-expressing your personal preferences and deffending your personal rights while respecting the preferences and rights of others.

Group Goal

a future state of affairs desired by enough members of the group to motivate the group to work toward its achievement.

Work Groups

-a collection of three or more people who must interact and influence each other to solve problems and to accomplish a common purpose.

Good groups have clearly defined goals, and optimum niumber of diverse members, cohesiveness, norms, a good working environemnt, and synergy.

Cohesiveness

-degree of attracion member have to each other and the the group's goal. There is respect and everybody works cooperatively to reach the goals and they perform better than noncohesive groups generally will.

Factors to develop cohesiveness:

1) Attractiveness of group's purpose

2) voluntary membership

3) Feeling of freedom to share opinions

4) Members reinforcing each other

5) Progress and celebration of accomplishments

Informal vs. Formal Norms

Norms- expectations for the way group members will behave while in the group.

formal- creating ground gules to help the group meet its goals and conduct its converations.

informal- ex: members meet and someone shows up late. If that person is given cold looks, the norm for the group is to show up on time even though it was never discussed.

Virtual Meetings

Email, teleconferencing, and videoconferencing allow members who are dispered geographically to communicate as a group.

Stages of Group Development

1)Forming- initial stage of group development during which people come to a feel valued and accepted so that they identify with the group

2)Storming- stage of group development during which the group clarifies its goals and determines the roles each memeber will ahve in the group power structure.

-When not storming the group may experience groupthink, a deterioration of mental efficiency, reality testing, and moral judgment that results from in-group pressure.

3)Norming- The stage of group development during which the group solidifies its rules for behavior, especially those that relate to how conflict will be managed

-members adapt their communication to the norms of the group

4)Performing- The stage of group development when the skills, knowledge, and abilites of all members are combined to overcome obstacles and meet goals successfully

5)Adjourning- The stage of group development in which members assign meaning to what they have done and determine how to end or maintain interpersonal relations they have developed.

Questions of fact, value, and policy

Fact- questions concerned with discovering what is true or to what extent something is true

Value- questions that concern subjective judgments of what is right, moral, good or just.

Policy- questions that concern what courses of action should be taken or what rules shoudl be adopted to solve a problem

Groupthink

-a deterioration of mental efficiency, reality testing, and moral judgment that results form in-group pressure.

Task-Related Roles

-specific patterns of behavior that directly help the group accomplish its goals

Initiator- A gropu member who gets the discussion started or moves it in a new direction

Information/Opinion Giver- a gropu member who proviedes content for the discussion

Information/Opinion Seeker- a gropu member who probes others for their factual ideas and opinions

Analyzer- A gropu member who probes teh content, reasoning, and evidence of members during discussion

Orienter- Indicates to the gropu that it is off track or summarizes points of agreement and disagreement among members

Maintenance Roles

-patterns of behavior that help the group develop and maintain good member relationships, good cohesivenesss, and effective levels of conflict.

Gatekeeper- a group member who ensures that everyone has an opportunity to speak and be heard

Encourager- A group member who provides support for the contributions of other team members

Harmonizer- A group member who helps the group relieve tension and manage conflict.\

Self-Centered Roles

-Patterns of behavior that focus attention on individuals' needs and goals at the expense of the group

Aggressors- Seeks to enhance his or her own status by criticizing almost everything or blaming others when things get rough and by deflating the eo or status of others

Joker- attempts to draw attention to himself or herself by clowning, mimicking, or generally making a joke of everything

Withdrawer-meets goals at the expense of gropu goals by not participating in the dicussion or the work of the group

Blocker- routinely rejects others' views and stubbornly disagrees with emerging group decisions

Preparing for a Meeting

1) Study the agenda- consider the purpose of the meeting and determine what you need to do to be prepared

2) study the minutes (writen record of previous meetings)

3) Prepare for your contributions- Read the material distributed before the meeting and do your own research. Also discuss teh agenda with others who will not be attending the meeting and solicit thier ideas concerning issues to be discussed.

4) Prepare to play a major role- consider which roles you have been assigned or which you would like and what you need to do to fill those roles to the best of your ability

5) List questions- make a list of questions related to the discussion

Follow up a Meeting

1) Review and summarize your notes- shortly after the meeting has concluded. Note what to discuss next meeting

2)Evaluate your effectiveness

3) Review decisions- Make note of what your role in decision-making was

4) Communicate progress- inform others who need to know about information conveyed and decisions made

5) Follow up- complete assignments received in the meeting

6) Review the minutes- compair minutes to your notes and report discrepancies

Visionary Leadership

Transformational Leadership-

This approach emphasizes being a visionary , helping the group to set goals and motivating, if not inspiring, the group to achieve its goals. These leaders need to focus on the big picture,  help the gropu to see things in a novel way, and energetically promote the group's goals.

Leading During a Meeting

1) Review and modify the agenda

2) Monitor roles members assume and consciously play roles that are unfilled by others

3) Monitor the agenda and time so that the group stays on schedule

4) Monitor conflicts and intervene as needed

5) Periodically check to see if the group is ready to make a decision

6) Implement the group's decision rules (ex: if the group is deciding by consensus, the leader must make sure that all members feel that the chosen alternative is one that they can support)

7) Before ending the meeting, summarize decisions and assignments

8) Ask the group to decide if and when another meeting is needed

Formal vs. Informal Leaders

Formal Leader- an assigned, appointed, or elected leader who is given legitimate power to influence others

Informal Leader- members of the group whose authority to influence stems from the power they gain through their interactions in the group. They dont have legitimate power but rather influence comes from their expertise or the extent that other group members like and respect them