Power is a relationship bt two or more ppl in the system

The use of power produces changes that either improve or hinder fam members’ satisfaction

Power is defined by the way it is used to reduce or increase (dialectical) tensions when indiv fam members interact w each other over goals or attempts to change behaviors.  The exercise of power the regulates tensions bt closeness and distance. 

Basically:  the ability to influence behavior of others in the system

Every power-move has a system-wide effect

        As one person makes a power-move, the rest of the system has to respond and recalibrate.  

Vary by fam member; everybody in the system sees power

differently

resources used by fam members to increase their chances of exerting control in a specific situation

family’s values concerning where authority lies

our personality, phys appearance, role competance

the act of attempting to actually control other people through persuasion

Generally, family members who talk the most frequently are dominant

Focus on who makes the decisions, and who “wins”/gets their way

Power bases often influence power outcomes

reflects the extent to which one spouse loves and needs the other

unequal power in the beginning can eventually calibrate to a good balance

the major areas of activity are influenced and controlled by one spouse

shared authority and decision-making.  Both spouses have equal decision-making power

Traditionally and by law, parents have the power in the relationship

                Children do enact power though

screaming in public to get what they want

manipulating parents with "i love you"

outright refusal to follow orders

Children can form an alliance with a parent, in order to influence other parent

Blended fams are especially vulnerable to these situations

shows that the other person matters

the person doing the confirming is exerting the power

sometimes it is as easy as listening quietly and supportively

shows that the other person doesn’t matter

ex:  silent treatment; silent person has the power

directly tied to punishment and used for control; use rejection as an attempt to gain power.  Ex:  kid tells parents “I hate you”

Talking about yourself, revealing information, leads to the other person having the power

Use self-disclosure to control the flow of info. 

Info is power:  we can use info that someone has disclosed against them later

Wives tend to disclose more about their feelings than their husbands do. 

In our society, the disclosure of highly intimate feelings is governed by the norm of reciprocity.  

One person is sending one-up messages of superiority.  

isolated instance

overall behavior of domineering

personality trait (vs isolated incident)

refers to a relationship.  One-up followed by one-down (ex:  “I’m the mom” “yes ma’am”)