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| a relationship in which the partners are interdependent while accomplishing a specific task, such as a server and a customer at a restaurant |
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| a relationship that endures over time and consists of interdependent partners who satisfy each other's needs for connection and social inclusion, feel an emotional attachment to each other, and enact unique communication patterns |
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| the notion that relational partners collaborate and experience shared understandings, roles, and rituals that are unique to their relationship |
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| bits of lore about family members and activities that are told and retold as a way for family members to construct a sense of family identity and meaning |
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| a repeated patterned communication event in a family's life |
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| a principle that states that we can't fully understand a system by simply picking it apart and understanding each of its parts in isolation from one another |
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| a principle that states that all relationships are embedded within larger systems |
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| lower-level systems of relationship, such as a sibling relationship within a family |
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| higher-level systems of relationship, such as a neighborhood consisting of several families |
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| a systems principle referring to the fact that hierarchy is formed by creating boundaries around each separate system (brother and sister, family as a whole) however, human systems are inherently open, which means that information passes through these boundaries |
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| the process of systems setting their parameters, checking on themselves, and self-correcting |
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| adjust a relationship to accommodate changing needs to the parties |
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| feedback that causes a system to recalibrate and change |
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| feedback that causes a system to reject recalibration and stay the same |
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| the ability to achieve the same goals (or ends) by a variety of means |
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| autonomy and connection dialectic |
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Definition
| the tension between our desire to be independent or autonomous while simultaneously wanting to feel a connection with our partner |
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| novelty and predictability dialectic |
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| our simultaneous, opposing desires for excitement and stability in our relationships |
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| judgment and acceptance dialectic |
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| our desire to criticize a friend as opposed to accepting a friend for who he or she is |
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| affection and instrumentality dialectic |
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| the tension between framing a friendship with someone as an end in itself (affection) or seeing it as a means to another end (instrumentality) |
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| tensions resulting from oppositions inherent in relational partners' communication with each other |
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| tensions between oppositions that have to do with how relational partners negotiate the public aspects of their relationship |
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| public and private dialectic |
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| the tension between how much of a friendship is demonstrated in public and what parts are kept private |
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| the tension between an idealized vision of friendship and the real friends one has |
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| those things in relational life that we judge as negative |
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| those parts of being in a relationship that we find pleasurable |
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| a person's standard level for what types of costs and rewards should exist in a given relationship |
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| comparison level for alternatives |
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| a comparison of the costs and rewards of a current relationship to the possibility of doing better in a different relationship |
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| a situation in which a partner in a relationship believe he or she has a higher power status that the other person, and so will engage in risky strategies without fearing the costs |
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| the first stage in the coming together part of Knapp's model of relationship development, in which two people notice each other and indicate that they are interested in making contact |
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| a judgement of relationship potential that propels us into initiating a relationship |
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| judgment of a relationship that makes us want to continue a relationship after initiating it. This attraction sustains and maintains relationships |
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| a stage in the coming together part of Knapp's model of relationship development in which two people become acquainted by gathering information bout each other |
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| conversational interactions that are relaxed, pleasant, uncritical, and casual |
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| a stage in the coming together part of Knapp's model of relationship development in which the intimacy between the partners intensifies |
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| a stage in the coming together part of Knapp's model of relationship development in which two partners for a clear identity as a couple |
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| the final stage in the coming together part of Knapp's model of relationship development, in which partners make a public commitment to their relationship |
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| the first stage in the coming apart section of Knapp's model of relationship development, in which two people begin to notice ways in which they differ |
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| a stage in the coming apart section of Knapp's model of relationship development in which two people's communication behaviors are restrained so that fewer topics are raised (for fear or conflict), more issues are out of bounds, and they interact less |
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| a stage in the coming apart section of Knapp's model of relationship development in which circumscribing is extended so far that a couple no longer talks much except in the most routinized ways |
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| a conversation with oneself in which one partner plays the parts of both partners in a mental rehearsal |
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| a stage in the coming apart section of Knapp's model of relationship development in which two partners stay away from each other because they feel that being together is unpleasant |
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| the last sage in the coming apart section of Knapp's model of relationship development, in which a relationship is ending |
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| in relational development, finding out information about a person from a third party |
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| putting ourselves in a good position for another to approach us in a social situation |
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| providing nonverbal signals that indicate we'd like to initiate contact with another person, such as going up to a person or smiling in that person's direction |
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| behaving in a way that keeps an initial conversation going, such as asking questions |
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| emphasizing the commonalities we think we share with another person |
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| paying attention to our relationships even when they are not experiencing troubles |
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| relational transgressions |
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| negative behaviors in close relationships, such as betrayals, deceptions, and hurtful comments |
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| repairing a relationship when it runs into trouble |
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| communication about communication |
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| a simple statement like "I am really sorry." |
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| an explanation for a transgression that may accompany an apology |
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