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Love and Intimacy
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46
Agriculture
11/10/2009

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Cards

Term
Attachment and Separation
Definition

-provides a secure base for exploring the world

-occurs throughout the life cycle 

Term
How does it provide a secure base?
Definition

n  Always have something there to be for you, gives you support, you know if you go out of your comfort zone you can always go back to your girlfriend/boyfriend

n  Spouse believes in you 

Term
Three attachment styles
Definition
secure, avoidant, anxious/ambivalent 
Term
Avoidant- 
Definition

n  Unable to open up, person gets stressed and anxious, puts up a wall, never know what is going on with the person 

Term
Anxious/ambivalent 
Definition

n  Needs a lot of reassurance, very dependent 

Term
What is the belief about the relationship between infancy and adult attachment styles? 
Definition
They are the same..however one can also earn a new attachment style through years of extensive help, healthy relationships 
Term
What are the three things that separation causes?
Definition
protest, despair, detachment 
Term

Percentages of romantic attachment styles are similar to infant attachment percentages

Definition

n  56% secure

n  25% avoidant

n  19% anxious / ambivalent

Term
Percentages of who believes it is "easy to fall in love"
Definition

-20% of anxious ambivalents

-4& of avoidants 

-9% of secures 

Term
Percentages of people who believe "other people are well-intentioned and good natured" 
Definition

72% of secures 

44% of avoidants 

32% of anxious/ambivalents 

Term
What are the percentages of people who belief that "love can really last?" 
Definition

59% of secures 

46% of anxious/ambivalents 

41% of avoidants 

Term
How did secure people describe romantic experiences? 
Definition
described love experience as happy, friendly, and trusting; able to accept and support partner despite partner’s faults 
Term
Hw did avoidant people describe their romantic experiences? 
Definition
characterized by fear of intimacy, emotional highs and lows, and jealousy 
Term
How do a/a people describe their romantic experiences? 
Definition

n  experienced love as obsessive, desire for reciprocation and union, emotional highs and lows, and extreme sexual attraction and jealousy

Term
If you have a positive view of others/self that makes you....
Definition
secure 
Term
If you have a negative view of others but a positive sense of self that makes you...
Definition
dismissing 
Term
If you have a negative view of self and a positive view of others that makes you...
Definition
preoccupied 
Term
If you have a negative view of self and a negative view of others that makes you...
Definition
fearful 
Term
secure 
Definition
Term
dismissing
Definition
Term
preoccupied
Definition
Term
Fearful
Definition
Term
3 components of romantic love 
Definition
passion, commitment, intimacy 
Term
Liking- 
Definition
intimacy (no commitment, no passion)
Term
infatuated love 
Definition
passion ( no commitment, intimacy) 
Term
Empty love
Definition
commitment only 
Term
romantic love 
Definition
passion and intimacy 
Term
fatuous love 
Definition
passion and commitment 
Term
consummate love 
Definition
passion, commitment and intimacy 
Term
7 different types of love 
Definition
liking, infatuated love, empty love, romantic love, compassionate love, fatuous love, consummate love 
Term
Intimacy 
Definition

n  Definition: to share with and care about others without losing your own identity. It requires the ability to be vulnerable.You need other people to get through things, to find out your strengths and weakenesses

You also need to know yourself, and complete your identity and be able to be an individual without relying on others

 Relationships can help keep you in check (that’s why bible says choose your friends wisely…because they can influence who you are)


Term
three components of intimacy 
Definition
cognitive, affective, behavioral 
Term
cognitive component of intimacy
Definition

n  Perspective taking ability

-in a relationship….boy and girl can have very different cognitive approaches to the relationship and think opposite ways of the direction in which the relationship is going 

Term
Affective component of intimacy 
Definition
empathy (feeling with another)
Term
Behavioral component of intimacy 
Definition

n  Acting in a trustworthy way

n  Being sensitive and responsive to others’ feelings

n  Able to make a commitment

n  Striving for equality and mutuality

n  Communicating effectively

Term
what are the three relationship maturity levels? 
Definition
self focused, role-focused, individuated-connected, 
Term
Self-focused level
Definition

at the self focused level, cognition, affect, and behavior are simple, undifferentiated, and reactive

-One's perspective of another or a relationship is concerned only with how it affects the self 

Term
Role-focused level 
Definition

a perspective on others as individuals in their own right begins to develop at this level. 

-know that acknowledging and respecting another  is part of being a good friend or romantic partner

-caring is expressed

-commitment is not articulated

 

Term
individuated-connected 
Definition

empathy, insight, fidelity, and acceptance of self and other 

-commitment

-high communication

-comfortable sexuality 

-identity formation 

Term
What are the five love languages?
Definition
words of encouragement, acts of service, gift giving, physical touch, time spent together 
Term
Definition
Term
What are the three major styles to assertiveness?
Definition
passive, aggressive, assertive 
Term
Passive-
Definition
lets himself get run over, tries to avoid conflict but ironically leads to conflict 
Term
Definition
Term
Aggressive- 
Definition
bullying over the other person, no concept of other opinions 
Term
Assertive- 
Definition

balance, able to express yourself but you are cognizant of the other person

 

·      Listening

·      Breaks down conflict in an objective manner, able to assert position, get point across in a diplomatic way

·      More about communication

·      May be viewed as demanding or bossy